Favorite write-ups

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Favorite write-ups

Postby redwill on Thu Jan 21, 2010 1:13 pm

Some of the write-ups have been incredibly creative. Or at least memorable.

Dig! Post! Share!

I'll start. This isn't necessarily my favorite, but it's one of my own, so I'm partial:

Day 2, SW III. Poor Dan H gets it.

redwill wrote:
On Day 2, the garden reacts to the crisis.

They hold a town-hall meeting and deliberate on the matter. The meeting is boisterous. Many of the garden-dwellers only want to yell about healthcare reform. Others are distracted by the garden WOOT! OFF. Eventually, however, they decide that they have to find a slug. They decide on Dan H. Some claim he is being erratic. Some claim he's not being himself. Some claim he's suffering from an invisible bald spot. No matter. He is chained and led out to the small hillock beside the Garden Civic Center.

A self-important, self-appointed spokesman for the garden stands up to address the crowd and, particularly, Dan H.

"Harumph! Harumph!" the spokesman bellows. "Whereas you have been found guilty of slugginess by reason of ... Well, anyway, you've been found guilty! Ladies and Gentlemen, I tell you now that in the long and storied course of garden history, never have I witnessed a transgression so foul! When I was just a wee garden-dweller, my sainted mother told me to always remember two things: Don't ever suffer a slug to live, and always make sure you stay regular in your bowels! And so, dear friends, when I've found that I can't properly execute a bowel movement, I always find that the best thing to do is just to take a little something with plenty of fiber to settle my stomach. You know, folks, I'd like to take this opportunity to say that it's funny how something so simple as a bit of ..."

"BLAH BLAH RHUBARB RHUBARB YARR YARR!!!" roars the crowd.

"Well," the spokesman says mildly, "I was only trying to help my fellow garden-dwellers who might be in the throws of ..."

"YAAARRRRRRRR!!!!" The crowd surges forward and wrestles Dan H to the ground. Bags of salt are brought up and forced down his throat and into other bodily orifices. He writhes and gurgles. The last discernible words from him are "I regret that I have but one life to ..." before someone steps on his throat. His body is wretched in death. But nothing else happens. The garden realizes that Dan H was just a regular garden-dweller.

In death, however, the natural processes occur, and all control over the bowels is lost. A nasty flood coats the feet of the salters. "Well," says the spokesman, "that's something, anyway."


(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby crayz on Thu Jan 21, 2010 1:24 pm

SW I, Corvi really set the bar....that's when it didn't matter what the role was, you just wanted write-ups
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby redwill on Thu Jan 21, 2010 1:30 pm

crayz wrote:SW I, Corvi really set the bar....that's when it didn't matter what the role was, you just wanted write-ups


Agreed. A watershed. The bar was set high.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby slappybrown on Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:13 pm

My problem with spoiler tags in writeups is that some phone wont display them properly, like the Bberry I have.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby redwill on Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:35 pm

Night 5, WW V. beerman gets it. Then gets it.

newarenanow wrote:
Night 5

While closing his beergarden down for the night, beerman, a regular villager, is startled when his door opens after closing hours. Turning around, beerman finds himself staring down the barrel of a gun. A shot rings out through the village as beerman's head explodes.

Determining that it is easy prey, three wolves enter the beergarden to see beerman laying in his own pool of blood. After devouring what remains, the wolves throw back a few beers and then disappear into the night.

The next morning, the villagers discover beerman's fate, a double whammy from the vig and the wolves. And worse off, the village has no more beer.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby beerman on Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:42 pm

redwill wrote:Night 5, WW V. beerman gets it. Then gets it.

newarenanow wrote:
Night 5

While closing his beergarden down for the night, beerman, a regular villager, is startled when his door opens after closing hours. Turning around, beerman finds himself staring down the barrel of a gun. A shot rings out through the village as beerman's head explodes.

Determining that it is easy prey, three wolves enter the beergarden to see beerman laying in his own pool of blood. After devouring what remains, the wolves throw back a few beers and then disappear into the night.

The next morning, the villagers discover beerman's fate, a double whammy from the vig and the wolves. And worse off, the village has no more beer.


YES!! I couldn't remember which one that was from, I wanted to find it but didn't feel like looking through each thread
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby canaan on Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:50 pm

redwill wrote:(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)

this is why i started using spoilers--i wouldnt even read the write-ups and i hated that.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby beerman on Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:06 pm

canaan wrote:
redwill wrote:(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)

this is why i started using spoilers--i wouldnt even read the write-ups and i hated that.


I never used to read them either, I'd look for a color and be done with it. Now I actually pay attention to them.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby redwill on Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:19 pm

canaan wrote:
redwill wrote:(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)

this is why i started using spoilers--i wouldnt even read the write-ups and i hated that.


I never laughed so hard as when I saw this from you in

NHL WARS, Night 9:

canaan wrote:
Spoiler:
Eddie Olczyk, superstar
is playing a poker event to help spread the word about our league. here is a snippet of him at the final table:

Spoiler:
Edzo: I'm all in


Poker Pro: I call






Image
Edzo: Crap
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby Juice on Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:12 pm

canaan wrote:Day 4

After very little a butt ton of deliberation, the superstars of Buttmanville have gotten together to trim the fat off of their club. Dino Ciccarelli, a veteran of 19 NHL years, lasted only 4 days under Buttman's reign. Let's review his career numbers:
Code: Select all
1980–81    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    32    18    12    30    29    19    14    7    21    25
1981–82    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    76    55    51    106    138    4    3    1    4    2
1982–83    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    77    37    38    75    94    9    4    6    10    11
1983–84    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    79    38    33    71    58    16    4    5    9    27
1984–85    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    51    15    17    32    41    9    3    3    6    8
1985–86    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    75    44    45    89    51    5    0    1    1    6
1986–87    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    80    52    51    103    88    —    —    —    —    —
1987–88    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    67    41    45    86    79    —    —    —    —    —
1988–89    Minnesota North Stars    NHL    65    32    27    59    64    —    —    —    —    —
1988–89    Washington Capitals      NHL    11    12    3    15    12    6    3    3    6    12
1989–90    Washington Capitals      NHL    80    41    38    79    122    8    8    3    11    6
1990–91    Washington Capitals      NHL    54    21    18    39    66    11    5    4    9    22
1991–92    Washington Capitals      NHL    78    38    38    76    78    7    5    4    9    14
1992–93    Detroit Red Wings        NHL    82    41    56    97    81    7    4    2    6    16
1993–94    Detroit Red Wings        NHL    66    28    29    57    73    7    5    2    7    14
1994–95    Detroit Red Wings        NHL    42    16    27    43    39    16    9    2    11    22
1995–96    Detroit Red Wings        NHL    64    22    21    43    99    17    6    2    8    26
1996–97    Tampa Bay Lightning      NHL    77    35    25    60    116    —    —    —    —    —
1997–98    Tampa Bay Lightning      NHL    34    11    6    17    42    —    —    —    —    —
1997–98    Florida Panthers         NHL    28    5    11    16    28    —    —    —    —    —
1998–99    Florida Panthers         NHL    14    6    1    7    27    —    —    —    —    —
2009       Buttmanville             LGP    4


Co-commissioner Beukeboom: Some may say that Dino played with an edge. Some may say he was a goon on the ice. Some may say he was a superstar. In the eyes of LGP Commissioner Mario Lemieux and co-commisioners Robert Dome and myself, Dino Ciccarelli was a...[interrupted]

We break away to a press conference with recently released player, Dino Ciccarelli

reporter: Dino, how do you feel about the club's decision to waive you?

Image

reporter: Is that a 'no comment' ?

Image

reporter: okay. moving on. What are your plans from here on out?

Image

reporter: what's the point of the press conference if you're not gonna answer any questions?

Image

reporter: jagoff.

Image

[end of press conference]

Co-commissioner Beukeboom: ...jagoff. As I was saying, Dino Ciccarelli's role with this club was a

Spoiler:
Superstar


...albeit a confusing one.



Still alive in BUTTMANVILLE:

1. Beerman - Rico Fata
2. Shafnutz - Bob Errey
3. Pavel Bure(killed night 3)
4. Troy Loney
5. Cup Keeper - Don Cherry
6. crayz - Ogie Ogilthorpe (killed night 2)
7. dagny - Jaromir Jagr (killed night 1)
8. Malkamaniac - Marty Straka
9. sdm5055 - Steve McKenna
10. mac5155 - Joe Dziedzic
11. MWB - Jiri Slegr
12. Zarovich - Marian Hossa
13. Redwill - Joey Mullen
14. Azkar - Pierre McGuire (waived by the village day 2)
15. Senka - Ryan Whitney (waived by the village day 3)
16. count2infinity - Eddie Olczyk
17. npv708 - Charlie Conway (killed night 3)
18. Juice - Michael Peca (killed night 1)
19. JS(c) - Gary Roberts (killed night 4)
20. Kicksave - Chris Bourque
21. Hockeyguru - Dino Ciccarelli (waived by the village day 4)
22. jaysmiter - Wojtek Wolski
23. tfrizz - Joe Sakic
24. PFiDC - Ian Moran
25. IrishEyes - Superstar Max Talbot
26. jwienand - Scott Hartnell (waived by the village day 1)

It is now Night 5. RPS send your info to myself, nan, and slappy...and make it snappy, buttmunchers.






...


...


...


Image
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby the wicked child on Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:56 pm

I both love and hate the spoiler thing. It is a monumental PITA to deal with on my phone.

The thing is, the more recent games have been more involved than a simple "someone died", so you really do have to read them. People still havn't fully caught onto comprehending what they are reading however. ;)
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby the wicked child on Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:01 pm

One of my favorites...

Corvidae wrote:A slug and a bird walked into a bar
A drunk villager was sitting not far
The bartender said, "hey, what will it be?"
The slug and a bird said, "I'll have npv!"
The slug grabbed his legs, the bird grabbed his head
The onlookers knew he soon would be dead
The slug ate his liver, the bird got his spleen
Now who will you salt, on this, day thirteen?
It's not day thirteen, I am well aware
But the rhyme for day twelve was simply not there
So deal with this poem, twas done in a pinch
And for the last time, mac, it's SALT, not LYNCH!!!
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby Corvidae on Fri Jan 22, 2010 1:01 am

The canaan "Dino Ciccarelli" is one of my top choices, but the Slug Wars I game-ender by bhaw is my favorite.

bhaw wrote:Oh what a night! And it's not just a song...

There was a lonely slug left in the village. He had escaped a murderous bird once already and was living on borrowed time. Knowing he would soon be dead the slug decided to indulge. First, he went and bougt some hooker slugs to suck on his eye balls. Then he drank 3 cases of Natural Ice. He finished the evening off with a giant joint. Now, he had the munchies.

The slug set out to find a midnight meal. And there stood PFIDC. So innocent, so succulent, and so clueless. The slug slithered from tree to tree to stay out of sight. He tied on his bib and opened wide to devour PFIDC in one gulp. Just as he was about to chomp down, Senka, the NOM NOM Bird swooped down and gobbled him him. Senka chewed and chewed and chewed squishing every bit of life out of the slug.

As he finished, he felt a rumble in his tummy. Beer braised and weed infused slug did not agree with him. And out shot the largest clump of bird poop ever seen since pterodactyles graced the sky. The poop mound, the size of an elephant, landed right on PFIDC, who choked to death on bird feces. The slug never got his meal, but PFIDC still died... must less respectably.

The NOM NOM Bird flew to it's high cliff side lair and let out a screetch! "Who's your daddy?!"

The village threw a party and canaan, the final slug, was gone. The garden was slug free, and only 2/3 of the village had to die to get rid of those pesky vermin.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby Corvidae on Fri Jan 22, 2010 1:05 am

My favorite one that I wrote was this monster past the mid-point in SWI

dagny steps out of her hut and finds a large bowl of beer suspiciously sitting in her front lawn. “Suspicious bowl of beer, eh? Don’t mind if I do!”

The Alpha Slug, spying from behind the old willow tree, thinks to itself, “Revenge at last!” For eons, mankind has been using beer to drown slugs in their gardens (goggle it, it’s true). dagny dives into the bowl and indulges in its sudsy goodness as all seven Slugs now look on.

“Are weez gonna hold her head n’ drown ‘em, boss?” one lil Slooger asks.

The Alpha doesn't answer. It keeps its gaze fixed on the woman drinking the beer and is reminded of its fallen ancestors. It’s face turns red. Its starts quivering from the images of thousands of Slugs all meeting their terrible end in liquid hops.

“No, my lil Slooger…. no.”

dagny finally finishes the mysteriously placed beer bowl.

BUUUUUUURP!!! What great way to start the day!”

She begins doing a little dance.

“Lil Sloogers…” said the Alpha “today… we paint the town red like the font used to describe us.”

The Alpha Slug and the lil Sloogers slowly converge on the now dancing woman. dagny, feeling a little woozy from the huge bowl of Colt 45 she chugged before breakfast, sees seven blurry blobs approaching.

The Alpha comes within an inch of her face.

“Are you some kind of hairless, out of shape wolf?” dagny asks.

It remains silence for a few seconds, then Alpha knocks her to the ground. Now, with the rest of the lil Sloogers, it begins TEARING HER APART!!!

*scuffle scuffle scuffle*

AHHHH IT’S TERRIBLE!!! BLOOD IS SQUIRTING OUT FROM HER OPENED RIB CAGE!!!

*scuffle scuffle scuffle*

NO! THEY’RE EATING HER EYES WHILE HE’S STILL ALIVE!!!!

*scuffle scuffle scuffle*

OH, GOOD GOD! THEY CRACKED HER FEMUR LIKE A WISHBONE!!!

Pray for her soul, as even the Gods turn away as they make her eat her own gallbladder...

Four Sloogers each get a limb. Two more divvy up the torso, and the head goes to the Alpha. It ingests it for now, but it remains to be seen whether this hideous garden crawler means to digest the skull of this regular villager, or transport it back to the layer as a trophy.

But it’s not over. Another creature pines for revenge… and maybe even a little redemption.

As they were all sliming away, the NOM NOM BIRD SWOOPS DOWN AND PICKS OFF A SLUG!!! The other six try to take him down, but with a thrust of his wings he bats them away and goes airborne once again.

"How you like me now, village!?" the Bird screams in this small but inspiring moment of triumph.

But still, even in this moment of good times, his mind races. He retreats to top of the village cliff to clear his head. He remembers their faces... the faces of each innocent villager he NOMed. He remembers the brutality that many of them meet at the hands of the mob. A mob he was a part of. A tear enters his eye and he turns his head down to lead his crystal sorrow to the ground.

That's when he notices it. A regular villager, crushed underneath a boulder. He flies down to see but he's too late... actually, a few days too late, as half of his skin has been eaten away by maggots and mongooses the village has for some reason. But the heart can still recognize a fallen brother. It's Zarovich. And it's time for him to get a proper burial.

So, the NOM NOM bird brings him to the top of the cliff where many other villagers gather in awe. They see his lifeless body as a reminder of the darkest parts of the human soul. The things they've done and the things they will do all flash before them. They wonder if the world has a chance. They wonder if the world deserves one.

Zarovich is buried there at the top of the cliff with a stone that reads: Think, Love, Together

Returning to the nest, the NOM NOM Bird regurgitates the head of the slug and notices the eyes. They look... Irish. He stares deeply into the detached iris and knows who won’t be at the next Slug meeting tonight.

The War has taken its toll on everyone. But the NOM NOM bird, who has grown sick of both human and slug alike, still keeps a belief. A belief that all living things hold within them a trace of something great – a slight shimmer that when finally pulled to the brink of darkness will shine back with a spark of divine. That spark is our unity, our uniqueness, and a reminder that we all have a chance for eternity.

The village lights a fire that night to remember the fallen, and each ember is an elegy for flames that fade forever.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby the wicked child on Fri Jan 22, 2010 1:05 am

That's another of my favorites. I was trying so hard not to LOL too loudly when I read that on my phone @ work.

EDIT: I didn't see you sneak that other writeup in... I was referring to bhaw's SWI ending writeup. However, the IE/dagny one was pretty good too.
Last edited by the wicked child on Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby count2infinity on Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:33 am

redwill wrote:
NHL WARS, Night 9:

canaan wrote:
Spoiler:
Eddie Olczyk, superstar
is playing a poker event to help spread the word about our league. here is a snippet of him at the final table:

Spoiler:
Edzo: I'm all in


Poker Pro: I call






Image
Edzo: Crap


i laughed pretty hard at this one too...
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby the wicked child on Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:39 am

NHL Wars had some solid writeups for sure. :thumb:
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby Zarovich on Fri Jan 22, 2010 8:39 pm

My trilogy write-up for my death was good. :thumb:
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby dagny on Sat Jan 23, 2010 1:29 am

Help guide me, I can't remember!

Which game did I do a couple of write ups for?
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Re: Favorite write-ups

Postby redwill on Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:34 am

dagny wrote:Help guide me, I can't remember!

Which game did I do a couple of write ups for?


SW II. You did my death write-up (killed on the short bus) and one or two others.
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