Write a short story

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Re: Write a short story

Postby no name on Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:32 pm

thehockeyguru wrote:
mac5155 wrote:I can see this getting deep. I am no sci-fi guru at all :pop:


You can tell that I dont know the first thing about science fiction, I participated because in the end its all just fiction.


The setting is just scinece fiction, but no different from other stories as far as developing characters and defining the storyline.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby Letang Is The Truth on Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:21 pm

It was my first day stationed at the sector 9 D.S. (Deep Space) Depot. This remote post was one of the quietest spots in this sector. News has been coming out that something big was going to go through hear but as usual it was top secret stuff that a Private (Ulu Osen) like me would never know about. My whole quadrant was stationed there, so you know there was going to be something news worthy happening, or maybe we were just a decoy again for something happening somewhere else. Since the Sector 9 commander got shot security has been beefed up all over the surrounding sectors.

Word had got out to the crew that the added security was not a result of our commanders’ death, but rather the result of him passing along classified materials to the officers on his staff. He knew what was going to happen at Sector 9 and wouldn’t stand for it. Marshalls already had arrived at Sector 9 and a manhunt was underway to find those officers before they escaped. I was torn, what would I do if I stumbled upon one of my commanding officers? Would I aid him? Would I turn him in? I think that is all dependent upon what the information was. I would have to know what was so important that would make the Sector 9 Commander give up his life. So at that moment I determined I would leave my post in search of the truth even if it meant that I too would be considered a traitor.

I began to think back on my conversations with the commander. I was hoping that he had left me a trail of bread crumbs to follow after the previous... incident. He had been acting strange lately. After thinking for some time, I came to the realization that I had been wondering around for quite some time. In times of such heightened security, I could not have a lapse in judgement; I mean I have gone through rigorous training programs. I needed to find a quiet spot to think safely. The alcove next to the elevator shaft was in an area of very low traffic. Just as I was rounding the corner by the mess hall, the last thing I saw was a black blur and did not remember anything after that.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby canaan on Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:16 pm

i want in on this.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby redwill on Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:48 pm

Sign me up, too, if possible.

"It was a dark and stormy night. I had just finished my creative writing class."

See, I got the chops.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby no name on Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:05 pm

updated loop list:

No name
the wicked child
mac5155
thehockeyguru
MWB (pass July 21st)
Kraftster (pass July 21st)
Letang is the truth
canaan
redwill

Up next canaan
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Re: Write a short story

Postby canaan on Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:43 pm

It was my first day stationed at the sector 9 D.S. (Deep Space) Depot. This remote post was one of the quietest spots in this sector. News has been coming out that something big was going to go through hear but as usual it was top secret stuff that a Private (Ulu Osen) like me would never know about. My whole quadrant was stationed there, so you know there was going to be something news worthy happening, or maybe we were just a decoy again for something happening somewhere else. Since the Sector 9 commander got shot security has been beefed up all over the surrounding sectors.

Word had got out to the crew that the added security was not a result of our commanders’ death, but rather the result of him passing along classified materials to the officers on his staff. He knew what was going to happen at Sector 9 and wouldn’t stand for it. Marshalls already had arrived at Sector 9 and a manhunt was underway to find those officers before they escaped. I was torn, what would I do if I stumbled upon one of my commanding officers? Would I aid him? Would I turn him in? I think that is all dependent upon what the information was. I would have to know what was so important that would make the Sector 9 Commander give up his life. So at that moment I determined I would leave my post in search of the truth even if it meant that I too would be considered a traitor.

I began to think back on my conversations with the commander. I was hoping that he had left me a trail of bread crumbs to follow after the previous... incident. He had been acting strange lately. After thinking for some time, I came to the realization that I had been wondering around for quite some time. In times of such heightened security, I could not have a lapse in judgement; I mean I have gone through rigorous training programs. I needed to find a quiet spot to think safely. The alcove next to the elevator shaft was in an area of very low traffic. Just as I was rounding the corner by the mess hall, the last thing I saw was a black blur and did not remember anything after that.

I awoke to find myself in a rank pit that resembled the deepest deserts of my home world--but more desolate. I scoffed at the thought. The cave is dry, with a small peering of sunlight juxtaposed against the stark mass to which I was leaning against. With my ears ringing, I gathered stability enough to realize that I was bonded to a heap of what can only be described as a mass of melded bone fragment and dry rock. I have a gaping wound above my left eye--a mark that strikes me with a profound sense of nostalgia. The cause of the protruding tissue that stretches from the corner of my brow to deep into my hairline, was made from a tactical level stunwire whip that I used quite often during my days working the rounds on the penal colony on Cephalon VI--a confederation-mandated volunteer service from when I reached the adult age of 14. A part of my life that seemed like lifetimes ago. A part of my life that still looked at the Confederation as a necessary authority to protect us from the barbarism of Deep Space--the barbarism of the Eli Khun.

I gain traction. I have enough strength to rise, arms agape against the massive protrusion that I tried not to even brush against with my rashed and sunburned skin. I was weary and afraid. I was alone, or in some sick way, I hoped I was. There wasn't a lot of time for me, this i knew. I needed to figure out the meaning behind my abduction, though I feared what that cause actually was. "What do you want from me??" I screamed with what was left of the saliva on my palate. The cave began to tremble. Dust began to bellow from the walls in way that caused me to gasp for what little air remained. The pit began to rotate, but not in a way that body was used to moving. As the cave began to shift upwards, I started to hang like an ornament for the crowd of dust to admire and claim as its own. The room stopped. Bits of what I hoped weren't fingers and toes still sporadically fell from the melded boulder that which now held me from falling straight down. The sunlight that was once my only vision of hope was now gone and it was dark. A female voice startled me. "Uuuuuulllu." Where haaaaaave you beeeen? The voice was robotic, yet organic. Her tone deep and hissing like a serpent. I knew it then, I assumed I was to die. Her voice, a sentient barbarian. She was an Eli Khun.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby redwill on Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:55 pm

May I make a request that we pick a tense and stick to it? :lol:
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Re: Write a short story

Postby canaan on Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:19 pm

redwill wrote:May I make a request that we pick a tense and stick to it? :lol:

i didnt realize this was going to an editor :pop:
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Re: Write a short story

Postby redwill on Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:27 pm

canaan wrote:i didnt realize this was going to an editor :pop:


The universe is full of editors.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby Letang Is The Truth on Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:36 pm

canaan you write like you were an English major or something
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Re: Write a short story

Postby canaan on Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:53 pm

redwill wrote:
canaan wrote:i didnt realize this was going to an editor :pop:


The universe is full of editors.

true. too many editors & not enough creative writers.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby canaan on Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:54 pm

Letang Is The Truth wrote:canaan you write like you were an English major or something

:lol: 600$/month to write pointless science fiction on a hockey related message board. im reaping all of the benefits of "higher education"
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Re: Write a short story

Postby no name on Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:48 pm

Next: redwill

glad i don't have to follow that.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby obhave on Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:58 pm

redwill wrote:May I make a request that we pick a tense and stick to it? :lol:


Instead of editing this you should be editing our warz game. :slug: I don't stick to one tense, just so you are aware :lol:

Also, Canaan :thumb: Looking forward to reading this story!
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Re: Write a short story

Postby redwill on Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:00 pm

canaan wrote:true. too many editors & not enough creative writers.


It's interesting how "lazy" gets so easily interpreted as "creative" by some people in today's society.

Anyway, my installment will be up in an hour or two.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby canaan on Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:21 pm

redwill wrote:
canaan wrote:true. too many editors & not enough creative writers.


It's interesting how "lazy" gets so easily interpreted as "creative" by some people in today's society.

Anyway, my installment will be up in an hour or two.

interesting how extemporaneous composition is so generally assumed to be indicative of today's society.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby redwill on Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:25 pm

canaan wrote:interesting how extemporaneous composition is so generally assumed to be indicative of today's society.


For the good of the story, let's move on, shall we? :fist:
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Re: Write a short story

Postby canaan on Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:27 pm

redwill wrote:
canaan wrote:interesting how extemporaneous composition is so generally assumed to be indicative of today's society.


For the good of the story, let's move on, shall we? :fist:

you keep the gene siskel to a minimum and ill try to limit the mixed tense. :fist:
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Re: Write a short story

Postby redwill on Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:30 pm

It was my first day stationed at the sector 9 D.S. (Deep Space) Depot. This remote post was one of the quietest spots in this sector. News has been coming out that something big was going to go through hear but as usual it was top secret stuff that a Private (Ulu Osen) like me would never know about. My whole quadrant was stationed there, so you know there was going to be something news worthy happening, or maybe we were just a decoy again for something happening somewhere else. Since the Sector 9 commander got shot security has been beefed up all over the surrounding sectors.

Word had got out to the crew that the added security was not a result of our commanders’ death, but rather the result of him passing along classified materials to the officers on his staff. He knew what was going to happen at Sector 9 and wouldn’t stand for it. Marshalls already had arrived at Sector 9 and a manhunt was underway to find those officers before they escaped. I was torn, what would I do if I stumbled upon one of my commanding officers? Would I aid him? Would I turn him in? I think that is all dependent upon what the information was. I would have to know what was so important that would make the Sector 9 Commander give up his life. So at that moment I determined I would leave my post in search of the truth even if it meant that I too would be considered a traitor.

I began to think back on my conversations with the commander. I was hoping that he had left me a trail of bread crumbs to follow after the previous... incident. He had been acting strange lately. After thinking for some time, I came to the realization that I had been wondering around for quite some time. In times of such heightened security, I could not have a lapse in judgement; I mean I have gone through rigorous training programs. I needed to find a quiet spot to think safely. The alcove next to the elevator shaft was in an area of very low traffic. Just as I was rounding the corner by the mess hall, the last thing I saw was a black blur and did not remember anything after that.

I awoke to find myself in a rank pit that resembled the deepest deserts of my home world--but more desolate. I scoffed at the thought. The cave is dry, with a small peering of sunlight juxtaposed against the stark mass to which I was leaning against. With my ears ringing, I gathered stability enough to realize that I was bonded to a heap of what can only be described as a mass of melded bone fragment and dry rock. I have a gaping wound above my left eye--a mark that strikes me with a profound sense of nostalgia. The cause of the protruding tissue that stretches from the corner of my brow to deep into my hairline, was made from a tactical level stunwire whip that I used quite often during my days working the rounds on the penal colony on Cephalon VI--a confederation-mandated volunteer service from when I reached the adult age of 14. A part of my life that seemed like lifetimes ago. A part of my life that still looked at the Confederation as a necessary authority to protect us from the barbarism of Deep Space--the barbarism of the Eli Khun.

I gain traction. I have enough strength to rise, arms agape against the massive protrusion that I tried not to even brush against with my rashed and sunburned skin. I was weary and afraid. I was alone, or in some sick way, I hoped I was. There wasn't a lot of time for me, this i knew. I needed to figure out the meaning behind my abduction, though I feared what that cause actually was. "What do you want from me??" I screamed with what was left of the saliva on my palate. The cave began to tremble. Dust began to bellow from the walls in way that caused me to gasp for what little air remained. The pit began to rotate, but not in a way that body was used to moving. As the cave began to shift upwards, I started to hang like an ornament for the crowd of dust to admire and claim as its own. The room stopped. Bits of what I hoped weren't fingers and toes still sporadically fell from the melded boulder that which now held me from falling straight down. The sunlight that was once my only vision of hope was now gone and it was dark. A female voice startled me. "Uuuuuulllu." Where haaaaaave you beeeen? The voice was robotic, yet organic. Her tone deep and hissing like a serpent. I knew it then, I assumed I was to die. Her voice, a sentient barbarian. She was an Eli Khun.

I went limp as I was hanging there. It was not a conscious decision. My body acted on its own. My mind tried to be elsewhere.

Starlight. That's all I wanted at the moment. To see starlight. To see the twin stars of my homeworld from a hundred light-years away. I longed for distance. I longed for peace.

"I want to show you something, Ulu," the voice said. It was many voices together, but it was one to me. It brought me back to a place I desperately did not want to be. "I must show you something. This is important, Ulu. I must show you something and then I will ask you a question." There was silence. Then: "Do you understand?"

I couldn't respond, but somehow the voice knew that I agreed. A moment later, my brain exploded.

"GYUUUUNNNNNHHHHHHHHHH .... AH AH AH AH .... UNNNNGGGGGHHHH ... GOD! MY GOD!"

My body was a supernova. My nerves were fusion reactions as I struggled for comprehension. "SSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAA .... FO FO FO FO ...." Plasma arced from my eyes. My veins bled fire.

"NO!" I screamed. Or I thought it. "No .... ECCCKKKKKKKKKKKK! Too much! Stop! Stop!!! STOP!!!!"

There was nothing. But I was alive. I was alive.

The voice was there, then.

"I must ask you a question, Ulu," the voice said. "This is important," it said as before.

"What did you see?"
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Re: Write a short story

Postby no name on Fri Jul 22, 2011 8:13 am

Chapter 2, every loop is a chapter, not a change in the storyline.

"Nothing" I replyed, "nothing at all." as i gained control of my limbs i could feel a transformation of my body taking place. The pain that once was, was gone, slowly my body started to heal itself, the cut on my brow was almost gone. My wearry achy body was begining to to look back to its muscular form. Though my head was still trembling and any sound could set me off, i could now think clearer.

the voice asked "Ulu is it starting to make sence" i was silent, just trying to get a hold of what just happend to me. "No"
"Ulu what did you see!!!"

"the commander, Commander Litt, he was close to death and said something about operation "redwill"?

"Yes Ulu, take a moment and rest, let me bring you up to speed i saved you over a year ago from that pit. This might be hard to accept but everything has changed ,everythng!"

updated loop list:

No name
the wicked child
mac5155
thehockeyguru
MWB
Kraftster
Letang is the truth
canaan
redwill

Up next: the wicked child
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Re: Write a short story

Postby the wicked child on Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:12 am

"Nothing" I replyed, "nothing at all." as i gained control of my limbs i could feel a transformation of my body taking place. The pain that once was, was gone, slowly my body started to heal itself, the cut on my brow was almost gone. My wearry achy body was begining to to look back to its muscular form. Though my head was still trembling and any sound could set me off, i could now think clearer.

the voice asked "Ulu is it starting to make sence" i was silent, just trying to get a hold of what just happend to me. "No"
"Ulu what did you see!!!"

"the commander, Commander Litt, he was close to death and said something about operation "redwill"?

"Yes Ulu, take a moment and rest, let me bring you up to speed i saved you over a year ago from that pit. This might be hard to accept but everything has changed ,everythng!"

"Since the untimely passing of the commander, things have become... complicated."

"Like the classic song?" inquired Ulu.

"No. Never that."

"I see."

"No, you do not see, for your sight was lost in the incident. Perhaps in time, you will learn to see with your mind."

"I don't understand" remarked Ulu.

"Rule has passed between one ambitious person to the next. Mutiny has run rampant. We have no choice but to leave the ship and embark on the Commander's quest".

"You mean operation redwill?"

"Yes."

"But what is operation redwill? And what can I realistically expect to achieve if I cannot see?"

"Ah, Ulu. You have much to learn. One sight may have been lost, but another has been granted... if only you can unlock the powers of your mind. Come, we must make our preparations immediately."

As the barbarian took Ulu's arm and prepared to guide him, he stopped her and whispered "We're not alone".
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Re: Write a short story

Postby mac5155 on Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:13 am

yeah, im out for good. Sorry, sci-fi just isn't my thing. I'll do it when it's a different theme,.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby no name on Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:11 am

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Re: Write a short story

Postby mac5155 on Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:21 am

Sorry no name.
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Re: Write a short story

Postby thehockeyguru on Fri Jul 22, 2011 12:21 pm

pass
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