Wedding Planning Thread

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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby pittsoccer33 on Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:00 am

I'm with you yubb. I haven't lived with my parents in over a decade. If theres a kitchen utensil I don't have by now I probably don't want it or know it exists to ask for it.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby shmenguin on Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:28 am

yubb wrote:We'd rather them give us money we could donate to charity.


or you know...put in the bank
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby count2infinity on Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:31 am

I think at our wedding itself, we only got maybe 3 or 4 actual gifts, the rest was cash. Like I said before, most of the gifts are bought for the bridal shower.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby yubb on Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:47 pm

shmenguin wrote:
yubb wrote:We'd rather them give us money we could donate to charity.


or you know...put in the bank


Well, that's an option too. But we don't really need money either. Again, we're adults. Not two young kids getting their start in the world. Plus this isn't 1865. We're established people. Having lots of monetary gifts would be great, but it would also be good to give that to someone who really needs it. We're not rich, but we're not in need of other people's money either.

We don't want some gawdy, expensive wedding. So it's not like we're going to need the money to pay off the ceremony and reception. As for the honeymoon, we go on a decent vacation every other year or so. The honeymoon is really just an extension of that. And the last thing I want to do is panhandle for money so we can go to Thailand. My old lady probably isn't 100% with me on that one, but whatevs...

I really, really dislike almost everything about traditional weddings and many things about marriage. I've worked weddings in the past, been in them, been the best man; I've seen the good, bad and ugly. I feel that it's mostly ugly, regimented, fluff. We're going to try out best to avoid that fluff. I hate putting people out. No one should have to go out of their way for me ever, let alone on my wedding day.

Nietzsche, anyone?
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby yubb on Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:49 pm

pittsoccer33 wrote:I'm with you yubb. I haven't lived with my parents in over a decade. If theres a kitchen utensil I don't have by now I probably don't want it or know it exists to ask for it.


Yeah, I bought my All Clad set about two years ago. Each year my missus picks me up some new kitchen stuff for Christmas. If we added that to our wedding registry she'd start buying me exercise stuff again. :shock: :scared:
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby mac5155 on Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:56 pm

Yeah if you dont want gifts dont have a shower, and dont register anywhere. We got no gifts at our wedding, it was all cash. Makes clean up a lot easier too if that's your responsibility
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby count2infinity on Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:06 pm

yubb wrote:I really, really dislike almost everything about traditional weddings and many things about marriage. I've worked weddings in the past, been in them, been the best man; I've seen the good, bad and ugly. I feel that it's mostly ugly, regimented, fluff. We're going to try out best to avoid that fluff. I hate putting people out. No one should have to go out of their way for me ever, let alone on my wedding day.


So what sort of wedding are you planning that goes against almost everything about traditional weddings? My wife and I did A LOT of non-traditional things for our wedding while still sticking to certain traditional pieces of the wedding. When you say you want to avoid the fluff, are you talking about the ceremony and reception? Like, go to the courthouse, get married and throw a picnic in the backyard for close family and friends? That sort of avoiding the fluff? For ours there was no preacher/priest, there was no money dance, there was no bouquet/garter toss, no parents dance other than us dancing with them throughout the night... that sort of fluff we got rid of, but she still wore a white dress and I wore a tux, there were still toasts from best man and maid of honor, there was still dinner, booze, and dancing. That was all about 10 months ago and we're still getting compliments that it was one of the best weddings some people say they've ever been to. And no one had to really go out of their way for us other than travel and lodging (which we blocked rooms and got discounted rates for anyways). I agree with you as far as that is concerned, no one should have to be put out on account of our wedding, but when people like her aunt offer to do the center pieces and decorate, when her boss's wife offers to make the wedding cake, etc, they are offering because they WANT to help. And when that happens, LET THEM HELP! They are not being put out, they are enjoying doing that for you.

Just my 2 cents though.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby pittsoccer33 on Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:13 pm

yubb wrote:we don't really need money either. Again, we're adults. Not two young kids getting their start in the world. Plus this isn't 1865. We're established people. Having lots of monetary gifts would be great, but it would also be good to give that to someone who really needs it. We're not rich, but we're not in need of other people's money either...

We don't want some gawdy, expensive wedding. So it's not like we're going to need the money to pay off the ceremony and reception...

I really, really dislike almost everything about traditional weddings and many things about marriage. I've worked weddings in the past, been in them, been the best man; I've seen the good, bad and ugly. I feel that it's mostly ugly, regimented, fluff. We're going to try out best to avoid that fluff. I hate putting people out. No one should have to go out of their way for me ever, let alone on my wedding day.


Have we Vulcan mind-melded before?
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby pittsoccer33 on Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:26 pm

count2infinity wrote:So what sort of wedding are you planning that goes against almost everything about traditional weddings?


I think a lot about weddings is done for show. Especially now with social media so many people are trying to one up and have the cutiest/faciest/most creative/you name it wedding they can plaster on Pintrest.

Start with invitations. I can't think of anyone I'd invite to a wedding that doesn't use the internet. Some of these people my primary method of communicating with them now is the internet - I don't even know their addresses!

Instead of spending hundreds of dollars and numerous hours on invitations, self addressed stamped envelopes, and compiling a list of attendees why not email something to everyone that takes them to an RSVP link where they can pick their food dish? Because that isn't how my parents did it?
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby count2infinity on Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:30 pm

We weren't trying to one up anyone with our wedding. We were trying to make it our own, and we did. I don't give a crap how many likes something might get on facebook. We wanted something that we'll look back on and smile and say "that was a good day" and we do that, all the time.

Our save the dates were postcards, and we sent invitations through the mail so that recipients had something physically in their hands with the info on the wedding itself. My wife and I are at the age where we are going to 3 or 4 weddings a year. It's WAY easier to go the fridge and grab that piece of paper than search through your inbox online to find the e-mail and go to the website with all the info there instead. And to be honest, if you do it right, the time and money are minimal to send them through regular mail. Added benefit: once you get all the addresses, sending Christmas cards is easy (unless you don't like that either, then I suppose that's not a benefit for you)
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby Troy Loney on Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:35 pm

we're doing a buffet style meal, no wedding party, and no separate location for the ceremony. The only thing that sticks out in my mind that i refuse is that weird part during the reception where they announce people. I don't want that.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby pittsoccer33 on Tue Aug 19, 2014 3:00 pm

count2infinity wrote: Added benefit: once you get all the addresses, sending Christmas cards is easy (unless you don't like that either, then I suppose that's not a benefit for you)


Just an aside on this idea:

My aunt must have subscribed to some online address book that tracks family birthdays and stuff. It automatically sends cards for birthdays and holidays. I think thats kind of cool.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby Shyster on Tue Aug 19, 2014 3:49 pm

A close friend of mine had a morning wedding (around 11:00 a.m. or so) followed by a buffet brunch. The music was a string trio followed by a mix tape of songs chosen by the bride and groom. No band or DJ, no dancing, no tossing of anything. I thought it was a great wedding.

My brother had no band or dancing either, and no throwing of anything. Heck, other than me, everyone else in the wedding party was already married, as were most of the guests. My brother and sister-in-law also had no registry. They were both in their late 30s / early 40s at the time, and had all the household-type stuff they would ever need. Plus, my sister-in-law works for All-Clad, so it would be darn near impossible to buy her anything better than what she already has.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby no name on Tue Aug 19, 2014 5:19 pm

Father in law offered 20k or a wedding. We all know which I would take and which the wife would take... we all know who won. But it was a great time, half Italians and half hunkies partying it was a night to remember.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby count2infinity on Tue Aug 19, 2014 5:45 pm

couldn't you have taken 20k and put on a 10k wedding? Win-win!
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby yubb on Tue Aug 19, 2014 6:45 pm

count2infinity wrote:
yubb wrote:I really, really dislike almost everything about traditional weddings and many things about marriage. I've worked weddings in the past, been in them, been the best man; I've seen the good, bad and ugly. I feel that it's mostly ugly, regimented, fluff. We're going to try out best to avoid that fluff. I hate putting people out. No one should have to go out of their way for me ever, let alone on my wedding day.


So what sort of wedding are you planning that goes against almost everything about traditional weddings?


As far as a bridal shower goes, that's her bag. If she wants to have one, I don't give a crap. I can't deny her that. Girls need some good attention.

I'd be fine with just going to the courthouse and having a picnic afterward. Low key, only the people you really want there, no fluff.

But if there must be a ceremony and celebration, Ok. I just dislike so much about typical weddings. From announcing the wedding party, to terrible DJ's, to terrible music, to knowing exactly what is going to happen next the entire time because every wedding you've ever been to has happened exactly the same way (with exceptions of course, but you get my gist). How is that a celebration of love? That's a money-making, boring, crap fest. Gosh, I really have nothing good to say about weddings.

I was told by my hunky mom that they used to celebrate weddings all week long. That's how you do it. Get together every night and eat and celebrate. But that kind goes against my "putting people out" rule.

So my wedding will have to blend a little traditional with a little non-traditional. We're atheist, so no God or church or priest. We'd like a bluegrass band there as well. I'd prefer no DJ at all, but I'm not sure I'll "win" that one.

I see no reason for a "Save the Date". Why send that and an invitiation? Why not just an invitation? In my mind it's just another way for someone to make more money off you.

I guess I'd like to have a ceremony outside, with those who could just gathering around, standing. Mee Ma and whoever else could sit. A quick few words spoken by someone, probably a family member or efficient, making it legal (don't get me started on marriage licenses). Maybe a few words by my lady and I. Then off to eat, talk, and enjoy good company.

Then she'll be soiled by an English Lord and I'd have to free the state of PA from tyranny.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby yubb on Tue Aug 19, 2014 6:48 pm

pittsoccer33 wrote:
yubb wrote:we don't really need money either. Again, we're adults. Not two young kids getting their start in the world. Plus this isn't 1865. We're established people. Having lots of monetary gifts would be great, but it would also be good to give that to someone who really needs it. We're not rich, but we're not in need of other people's money either...

We don't want some gawdy, expensive wedding. So it's not like we're going to need the money to pay off the ceremony and reception...

I really, really dislike almost everything about traditional weddings and many things about marriage. I've worked weddings in the past, been in them, been the best man; I've seen the good, bad and ugly. I feel that it's mostly ugly, regimented, fluff. We're going to try out best to avoid that fluff. I hate putting people out. No one should have to go out of their way for me ever, let alone on my wedding day.


Have we Vulcan mind-melded before?


It's possible. Finding someone who shares the same opinions as I on something is pretty rare. I think a mind-meld is the most likely explanation.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby count2infinity on Tue Aug 19, 2014 7:24 pm

yubb wrote:
As far as a bridal shower goes, that's her bag. If she wants to have one, I don't give a crap. I can't deny her that. Girls need some good attention.

My wife didn't want a shower but her mom really really wanted to throw her one, so she gave in and allowed her mother to plan it and throw it. She had a lot of fun and it was way better than she ever could have hoped for it to be.

I'd be fine with just going to the courthouse and having a picnic afterward. Low key, only the people you really want there, no fluff.

But if there must be a ceremony and celebration, Ok. I just dislike so much about typical weddings. From announcing the wedding party, to terrible DJ's, to terrible music, to knowing exactly what is going to happen next the entire time because every wedding you've ever been to has happened exactly the same way (with exceptions of course, but you get my gist). How is that a celebration of love? That's a money-making, boring, crap fest. Gosh, I really have nothing good to say about weddings.

I guess I just tend to go to weddings and not care about what money is going where. I go and I have a good time. It's really what you make of it. If you go in thinking "oh boy... another boring cookie cutter wedding" guess what it's going to be to you? A boring cookie cutter wedding.

I was told by my hunky mom that they used to celebrate weddings all week long. That's how you do it. Get together every night and eat and celebrate. But that kind goes against my "putting people out" rule.

So my wedding will have to blend a little traditional with a little non-traditional. We're atheist, so no God or church or priest. We'd like a bluegrass band there as well. I'd prefer no DJ at all, but I'm not sure I'll "win" that one.

Neither of us are religious either. If you're getting married in PA, then get a self-uniting marriage license. Essentially it counts just like a regular wedding only rather than a certified person being there to do the wedding, all it takes is the two of you saying that you accept the other as their husband/wife and two witnesses to sign it and you're married. That's what we did. As far as the DJ, we got one that we liked and played music that we liked. If we could have afforded a band, we'd have gotten one, but a DJ is cheaper and less things can go wrong if you find one that will play the type of music you want them to play.

I see no reason for a "Save the Date". Why send that and an invitiation? Why not just an invitation? In my mind it's just another way for someone to make more money off you.

The Save the Date was all my wife. She came up with these cool post cards that she got printed for something ridiculously cheap... like $10. They were actually a big hit.

I guess I'd like to have a ceremony outside, with those who could just gathering around, standing. Mee Ma and whoever else could sit. A quick few words spoken by someone, probably a family member or efficient, making it legal (don't get me started on marriage licenses). Maybe a few words by my lady and I. Then off to eat, talk, and enjoy good company.

We wanted ours to be outside as well... have a back-up. It was not warm enough on our day to do it outside, but even if you're doing yours in the dog days of summer, have a back up inside somewhere inside just in case it storms like crazy on your day. As far as the marriage license is concerned, see above... self-uniting marriage license is the way to go. We had her best friend from high school do the ceremony.

Then she'll be soiled by an English Lord and I'd have to free the state of PA from tyranny.

I have no idea what that means.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby Letang Is The Truth on Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:21 am

But if there must be a ceremony and celebration, Ok. I just dislike so much about typical weddings. From announcing the wedding party, to terrible DJ's, to terrible music, to knowing exactly what is going to happen next the entire time because every wedding you've ever been to has happened exactly the same way (with exceptions of course, but you get my gist). How is that a celebration of love? That's a money-making, boring, crap fest. Gosh, I really have nothing good to say about weddings.


this is probably my biggest issue with weddings. we arent doing bridal party introductions, or the dance with me for a dollar or the garter belt thing. we are going to have a band thats going to incredible. just eating, drinking and dancing. do it up
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby yubb on Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:40 am

The part about the English lord was a Braveheart reference.

I've gone to many weddings and had a good time. I don't mean to give that impression. It's just not how I want to celebrate a marriage.

You touched on another topic, though. Family. Family goes insane over weddings. Even my mom, who I think is a very reasonable woman, went a bit momzilla with my sister's wedding. Nothing crazy, but just adding to the complexity and stress a bit.

The part about money is more from the perspective of the bride and groom. You can cut out the fluff and make your wedding cost a lot less. When I go to a wedding I only consider it in how much my gift should be.

I actually like the wedding dance idea. That goes against almost everything I've said but I've always linked it to a hunky thing. So I don't mind doing it, but I don't know that I want it in our wedding. But again, that's her bag. I beileve the groom's duty is to drink a million shots while she's doing that.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby count2infinity on Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:46 am

I was extremely lucky with family. My mother had gone through my 2 older siblings weddings... one where she was expected to do all/most of the work. She did all the cooking, all the planning, all the clean-up (with help obviously, but it was mostly her) and a second wedding where she was told to not be involved at all and her help wasn't welcome. So for mine she was very much, I'll do whatever you want me to do or not do, just let me know. Her mom was awesome too. The only thing she wanted control of was the bridal shower. We were really given the space to do what we wanted. Hopefully your parents are on the better end of the spectrum.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby Troy Loney on Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:17 am

Has anyone been to a wedding at the morning glory inn on the south side?

It's under strong consideration for us.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby pittsoccer33 on Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:53 am

Troy Loney wrote:Has anyone been to a wedding at the morning glory inn on the south side?

It's under strong consideration for us.


I have. Ive been to a bunch actually - I used to live on Carey Way right on the other side of the fence and would show up to ones that sounded fun often.

I was really invited to one once too. They had everyone stand around in kind of a circle drinking while someone (might've been a relative) performed a small ceremony. After that they had some buffet type stations.
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby Troy Loney on Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:58 am

Is the space really cramped?
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Re: Wedding Planning Thread

Postby pittsoccer33 on Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:06 am

Troy Loney wrote:Is the space really cramped?


Its a bit larger than you'd think. Its an entire lot (which is bigger than it seems) plus what would be the back yard of the house. It opens up onto a large porch, and then theres like a pool house back there too that I think the bathrooms were in.
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