Friday Discussion - Getting Married Young

[pittsoccer33]

Or find someone that has the same views as you and will go off and spend whatever she wants at anytime, and go does whatever she wants whenever.

That can't be abnormal, but is it? I think humans by nature are greedy. Its a survival mechanism. Even so, you don't seem to meet people who want to live their lives that way.

[doublem]

if you truly care about someone you make sacrifices. ..

[npv708]

Me and the fiancee have been dating since she was 16 and I was 18. I'm 24 now and we're getting married next year. I think I missed out on a lot of stuff but we made it through college together so I guess that made us stronger. But, her friends are my friends and my friends are her friends. It's not like we don't go out and have fun because (as you guys are aware ) I have my fun. I thought in HS that I'd be single all my life and living with my parents. Now I'm the first of my truly close friends to get married. (unless someone heads to vegas between now and 6/22/13)

Very similar situation for me, at least with how everything started. I've known my wife since middle school, starting dating when I was 18, she was 17, made it through 4 years of school, 7 hours apart. Living in Pittsburgh, a lot of our high school and her college friends (she went to Carlow) were already married and some had multiple kids. We were able to find some to hang out with, who had just gotten engaged, but for the most part, we didn't leave much behind when we moved to DC. I can't really speak to the singles scene in Pittsburgh, but DC is supposed to have one of the best singles life in the country. Everyone we've met since we've been here is two working professionals or an extremely career-focused single, so who knows. I'm constantly surprised at how many married working couples there actually are here.

[newarenanow]

Or find someone that has the same views as you and will go off and spend whatever she wants at anytime, and go does whatever she wants whenever.

That can't be abnormal, but is it? I think humans by nature are greedy. Its a survival mechanism. Even so, you don't seem to meet people who want to live their lives that way.

I don't know. To me, (and this is just me), I think it's human nature to find a companion and seek company. I love having that partnership with my wife. Are there things I compromise? Absolutely. And the same with her. But to me, it's no big deal.

I can still go on my Pitt road trip each year, I still buy a few video games and play them in my spare time, I still get to watch my sports, and she still does her usual stuff.

But if I ever wanted to go out and buy a new car, or go a way for a week, or something big like that, I absolutely would want to consult with her and make those types of decisions together.

Are there times I look back and wish I lived the single life? Yes. But at the same time, I wouldn't never trade my life in and the marriage that i have for that life.

Again, this is just all of my opinion.

If you can find a free spirit that wants to be a "couple" but live a life however she wants to and you do the same, then that is great. You guys will be a perfect match. I just don't know how many people are out there that are like that.

Again, you may want to stay single for a while longer.

[newarenanow]

pittsoccer, let me ask a question, or put a scenario or two out there and how would you respond:

You find a nice lady. You guys agree that your freedom is important and you guys can do what you want financially, and everything else (outside of hooking up with others, unless you want that).

You purchase a home or rent an apartment together. You guys keep your income seperate. You go out and buy a motorcycle one day. She comes home with a new car. The following day, you want to go on a trip with your buddies that will cost X amount of money. Same time, she does the same. Rent/mortgage/utitilies/grocery time comes and it's time to pay the bills. You are short because you guys spent your cash on items you wanted at the exact same time. What happens then?

Or say things are going well. You are living great. You are happy where you are, in you job. Things can't be better. She comes home one day and says she wants to take a job in Arizona. She is moving. Do you go with her? Do you pick up your life and go? Or do you just let her go and move onto someone else?

[guiner]

By the end of 2012 nine of my ten best friends from college (and the guys I still stayed close to afterward) will either be married or engaged.

I'm 45. 6 of 7 (including myself) of my best friends from H.S./college married and divorced.

[pittsoccer33]

that pretty much sounds like my last relationship nan. There would be times were I literally wouldn't see her for four or five days in a row because of our schedules - she worked a lot of nights and was in grad school.

if she had three of four days off in a row its a good bet she was jetting off to boston or edinboro. when I had vacation time I went to Dewey or Virginia beach with friends.

we always had money to pay bills though - i guess in that regard we were more like stereotypical roommates than a normal couple.

moving to arizona? not a chance. moving to nyc, dc, or florida? sign me up.

[shmenguin]

well the better question is - why would you want someone telling you what you can and can't do with the money

well, when i say she "signed-off" i really mean i was going probably to buy it anyways, but it's nice that she's on board. i guess she knows how important of a hobby photography is for me.

i trust myself to understand our finances, and she trusts me too. so there aren't any forms to fill out if we i want to make a big purchase. but overall, i truly consider it "our money". but it's easy for me to think that way because we do well at our jobs and she loathes spending her own money, not to mention mine. not every couple can think like this, but it should be something you aim for, IMO. financial decisions should typically be a collaborative effort. but yeah...if something's really important to you, and the ball and chain gets on your case for buying it, i don't think that's a good situation. there's a balance.

[blackjack68]

I can't believe we're on page 3 and there's been no forever alone jpeg yet. So disappointed in all of you.

[newarenanow]

there's a balance.

This. I'm in the same boat as you. We both do pretty well. She hates spending money. I like spending some on stupid stuff, but I don't go around blowing it. We are both more conservative.

If she wants to go shopping for shoes or some clothes and other things she likes, I don't say a word because I know she is financially responsible. And vice versa. If I want to buy a video game, or purchase Pens tickets for a few games, or get my Pitt season tickets, not a word. We both trust each other with those types of things. Going out to dinner with friends or to the bar, not a problem.

Where I think though it's fair to discuss and actually get some input is if there is a large financial purchase. I'd probably be a little upset if she came home one day with a brand new car without even mentioning it. Or I'm sure she'd be upset if I said I was going to the Sugar Bowl and leaving for a week without mentioning it.

Typically we are very respectful with large purchases, and usually if it truly means a lot to the other person, we talk about it, but end up getting it. I got my 60 inch flat screen and she got some things she wanted that were more money.

I don't even think of "my money" or "her money". To me, it's "our money" and we are respectful to each other on how we spend it when it comes to larger items.

[PghSkins]

jetting off to boston or edinboro.

Ugh, Edinboro International is rough this time of year.

[JS©]

Like several of the people in here, I thought I'd be married by 25.

Once 25 came around, I figured I'd be married by 30.

Once 30 came around, it was more or less "someday I'll meet the right girl"

Fast-forward to almost 40 my late 30s, and I'm wondering if I'll meet anybody that I'd even date long-term.

This puts me almost in pittsoccer's situation. There's no way I'm heading to Diesel on a Saturday night, and the friends that I have down here are either married and doing their own thing or have one on the way (actually 3 different friends, all due within 2-6 months from now). What makes my situation a little more difficult is that I moved away from my hometown, so my resources of friend networking has somewhat been cut off unless you include the once a month visit back home. Even if that were the case, would I really want to date somebody 80 mi away?

Advice?

[PghSkins]

Advice?

Just accept your role as the dirty old man spending 3 hours every day eating the same breakfast down at Eat'n Park and goosing the twenty-something waitress.

[shmenguin]

online dating seems pretty legit. it's not just for weirdo nerds anymore

[KennyTheKangaroo]

kenny the kangaroo read in the wall street journal that 20% of new relationships now start on the i-net. thats a lot.

[tluke53]

Wow, I am a bit ahead of the curve. I got hitched about one month shy of my 21st birthday. I am 33 and we are still going strong.

[Mr. Colby]

just upgraded my DSLR camera. had to do it before the baby comes home in a couple months. i somehow got sign-off on this from the wife. it's probably the last "toy" i'll buy for a loooong time.

You were sneakily manipulative, blaming your impending offspring for the need to upgrade. Well done.

[Kraftster]

No advice really, just another tally. Began dating my wife in high school around senior prom time. Married 2nd year out of college (24), house 27, baby 28 (daughter just turned one last weekend).

My circle of friends is about the same size its always been -- small. I don't really like that many people, though. I don't really have interest in adding to my circle unless you bring something new to the table that is not currently provided by an existent friend.

[Mr. Colby]

On the internet dating topic...

I was out to dinner with a couple of buddies last night and there was this absolute rocket on an internet date with Ryan Reynolds' character from the beginning of "Just Friends"... It was at that point I decided if I ever become single, I'd be all about using online dating websites

Disclaimer: I don't have a problem with fat people, I'm just saying that if a girl like that agreed online to go out with a rather large individual, online dating works!

[KennyTheKangaroo]

I don't really have interest in adding to my circle unless you bring something new to the table that is not currently provided by an existent friend.

so what does krafster bring to the table as a friend (other than a policy of inflated hourly billings)

[Mr. Colby]

No advice really, just another tally. Began dating my wife in high school around senior prom time. Married 2nd year out of college (24), house 27, baby 28 (daughter just turned one last weekend).

My circle of friends is about the same size its always been -- small. I don't really like that many people, though. I don't really have interest in adding to my circle unless you bring something new to the table that is not currently provided by an existent friend.

I'm following a similar path... started dating at the end of senior year, renting an apartment together now (24, 23), currently entering my 3rd year out of college, just recently got a good job, have full intentions on proposing as soon as we are in a stable income position.

If I had to predict, I'd say engaged before my 26th birthday, married at 27, baby 28ish

[shmenguin]

just upgraded my DSLR camera. had to do it before the baby comes home in a couple months. i somehow got sign-off on this from the wife. it's probably the last "toy" i'll buy for a loooong time.

You were sneakily manipulative, blaming your impending offspring for the need to upgrade. Well done.

that may or may not have been part of the equation

[Willie Kool]

jetting off to boston or edinboro.

Ugh, Edinboro International is rough this time of year.

It's especially bad this year. I don't think they've even mowed the runway yet.

[npv708]

just upgraded my DSLR camera. had to do it before the baby comes home in a couple months. i somehow got sign-off on this from the wife. it's probably the last "toy" i'll buy for a loooong time.

You were sneakily manipulative, blaming your impending offspring for the need to upgrade. Well done.

that may or may not have been part of the equation

If you thought about it, the upgrade in camera would've been more useful in the events leading up to the impending offspring.

[JS©]

Advice?

online dating seems pretty legit. it's not just for weirdo nerds anymore

tried it. Several hits when I first moved here, but now it's like feeding steak to a vegetarian.

Just accept your role as the dirty old man spending 3 hours every day eating the same breakfast down at Eat'n Park and goosing the twenty-something waitress.

I do have a E&P within walking distance of my place, and it's all downhill, but I'm not ready to resign to that position yet.