Thread of Love 3.0

[newarenanow]

PS - obhave, if he thinks you are making it up, just tell him that is up for him to decide and if he wants to continue to be with someone who continually cheats on him, that is his issue and just give him the "good luck" and don't reach back out again.

Show a strong front. It may bother/hurt you, but trust me, in the long run, you are better off if he doesn't believe you.

[MRandall25]

you will be no worse off than you were before.

Disagree.

yeah i don't know. crap could get weird if the "friend" had no idea the guy felt that way.

Bingo.

[MRandall25]

I doubt many of you remember my story fro Thread of Love 1.0, but I now have another dilemma dealing with the same guy.

Basically, we decided to stay good friends instead of entering into a relationship. He decided upon returning to school to get back with the ex that cheated on him.

Here is the problem - the girl cheated on him again this past weekend at a party I was at. She told me the following day that if I ever told him that she would make my life a living hell and ruin my friendship with him. I am the only one of our extended friend group that was there. Its a bad situation because our relationship is already strained since he got back with her and I don't want him to think I made this up because that is how she would twist it. How would you more mature folk suggest I go about this?

I'm not your friend, but if my hypothetical girlfriend were cheating, I'd probably want to know about it.

[obhave]

I doubt many of you remember my story fro Thread of Love 1.0, but I now have another dilemma dealing with the same guy.

Basically, we decided to stay good friends instead of entering into a relationship. He decided upon returning to school to get back with the ex that cheated on him.

Here is the problem - the girl cheated on him again this past weekend at a party I was at. She told me the following day that if I ever told him that she would make my life a living hell and ruin my friendship with him. I am the only one of our extended friend group that was there. Its a bad situation because our relationship is already strained since he got back with her and I don't want him to think I made this up because that is how she would twist it. How would you more mature folk suggest I go about this?

To me, if you were truly a friend, I'd tell him. One of three things will happen:

1) He will believe you, confront the girl and get rid of her. She may try to make your life miserable for a little bit, but will get bored and move on. I wouldn't let it bother you either.

2) He won't believe you, he will believe her, and you may lose out on your friendship for a little while. They will be together, she will cheat on him again, and he will either come back to wanting to be friends with you, or he will just fade off, which in the long run, you'll forget about. (there are a lot of friends I thought I'd be friends with forever at a young age (ie. teens, early 20s) that I did stupid stuff for who I don't even talk to anymore).

3) He may not believe you, do his own investigating, and then come back and thank you and your friendship will be fine.

If you don't tell him, and he finds out, and finds out you knew, he will hate you.

Yeah, I guess not telling him to save myself a short time of hell from her, could lead to much worse things in my relationship with him. Hopefully he doesn't shoot the messenger! She has gotten super clingy in the past few days as well, my guess is to not give me the chance to talk to him.

[ulf]

you will be no worse off than you were before.

Disagree.

yeah i don't know. crap could get weird if the "friend" had no idea the guy felt that way.

Bingo.

although one must ask themselves if it is worth never knowing if it could have happened. dun dun dun

[newarenanow]

you will be no worse off than you were before.

Disagree.

yeah i don't know. crap could get weird if the "friend" had no idea the guy felt that way.

I was in the "friend" zone back in my early 20s. Really loved the girl. We did everything together like we were boyfriend girlfriend. I'd go to her work Xmas parties and dinners as her date and vice versa. We'd go to movies together, and just constantly hang out. But w/o the physical relationship because we were "just friends". Finally one night, I told her how I felt, she didn't feel the same way, and that was that. At least I knew.

I was holding myself back from the dating scene because I constantly thought this would work out with this girl, and I"m glad we had the talk, because it allowed me to move on. And when I did, the 2nd girl I dated after this ended up becoming my wife, and I"m so glad and would not change my life. And if I did not have that "talk" with the friend zone girl, I may have missed out because I would have kept holding out the hope we'd work out one day, only to find out she found someone and I be standing there alone.

It may make the friendship weird. Fortuantely for me, it didn't change that much, mainly because that stuff doesn't phase me, and I didn't make it weird. But if it makes it weird, it will pass over time. And if she turns you down, you know to move on.

[obhave]

I'm not your friend, but if my hypothetical girlfriend were cheating, I'd probably want to know about it.

I basically knew that I had to tell him... but wasn't sure how. I wanted to know if anyone had been in a situation where an ex told you that your current girl was cheating and said cheating happened at a place that no one else can verify the story.

[newarenanow]

I'm not your friend, but if my hypothetical girlfriend were cheating, I'd probably want to know about it.

I basically knew that I had to tell him. But I didn't know if anyone had been in a situation where an ex told you that your current girl was cheating. And said cheating happened at a place that no one else can verify the story.

If he was that good a friend, he wouldn't need anyone else to verify. He should believe you.

[ulf]

you're the man nan. there are times where i avoid date situations because of hope with friend girl.


ps i do feel semi-lame for discussing this stuff on a hockey message board. and by semi i mean really

[Willie Kool]

So what's the longest folks here have been married? I've been married for just over 18 years.

EDIT: Cue Rylan: "redwill's been married longer than I've _________ ."

Been married 13 1/2 years, but we've been together, more or less, since high school (26 years).

[newarenanow]

you're the man nan. there are times where i avoid date situations because of hope with friend girl.


ps i do feel semi-lame for discussing this stuff on a hockey message board. and by semi i mean really

It was hard at first to tell her. It took me like 5 or 6 times before I finally let it out. But once I did, it let off a great burden. She did tell me that there were times that she thought about it, so I think there were some feelings there, which made me feel somewhat good taht it just wasn't all me, but she just didn't feel like the time was right, and didn't know if it ever would be. Which made me realize that it was time to move on, and again, so glad I did, because just like 6 months later, I found the love of my life who I've been with for 9 years now, and married over 6.

I still talk to friend girl on occassion and she has her own life which she is happy about, but honestly, I wouldn't change a thing.

It's not easy. Especially when you have no idea what the other is thinking. But don't hold back, because either she feels the same way and you might already be with the "one" and she is just as scared as you, or you have no future together and you are missing out. So just do it. It might take a few tries to bring it up, but just do it.

PS - we are all losers on here, so don't feel bad!

[Rylan]

Well a few things to cover,

obhave:

You said that this is at least the second time, right? How did he accept the news the first time? Only reason I ask is cause I am drawing parallels to my own situation with my roommate where we have taken him to the well to drink, but he refuses to acknowledge that we are right. IF this is a similar situation, I would personally would not tell him just because no point to lose a friend over a situation that you have no control over. Otherwise, tell him and go from there. He will either believe it, or he will be a jackwad to you. The fact that she is a repeat offender is no bueno.

Friendzone:

Go for it. It is all about how you handle the situation post-expressing feelings. If you make it awkward that rejection was painful, you are going to have an issue. If you act like it is no big deal, you can get past it. As long as you don't harbor feelings of either hurt or anger and can continue on in life then you won't have any issues. Just have to accept that at one point you are going to be vulnerable. but every thing good in this world should have some risk.

[pittsoccer33]

you will be no worse off than you were before.

Disagree.

yeah i don't know. crap could get weird if the "friend" had no idea the guy felt that way.

Bingo.

no. why exactly are you friends with her? if you think shes going to want to still do things and spend time together when she has a guy youve got another thing coming.

[PghSkins]

So what's the longest folks here have been married? I've been married for just over 18 years.

EDIT: Cue Rylan: "redwill's been married longer than I've _________ ."

16 years, and we never had a fight



































because I always back down.

[Godric]

How would you more mature folk suggest I go about this?

Beat the **** out of her.

[Rylan]

[shafnutz05]

Heheh...ulf said semi.

But seriously...at least this has impact on your life. I've wasted hours on here debating political views, many of which I don't even hold anymore.

[Godric]

Heheh...ulf said semi.

many of which I don't even hold anymore.

Because you've been converted

[ulf]

Well a few things to cover,

obhave:

You said that this is at least the second time, right? How did he accept the news the first time? Only reason I ask is cause I am drawing parallels to my own situation with my roommate where we have taken him to the well to drink, but he refuses to acknowledge that we are right. IF this is a similar situation, I would personally would not tell him just because no point to lose a friend over a situation that you have no control over. Otherwise, tell him and go from there. He will either believe it, or he will be a jackwad to you. The fact that she is a repeat offender is no bueno.

Friendzone:

Go for it. It is all about how you handle the situation post-expressing feelings. If you make it awkward that rejection was painful, you are going to have an issue. If you act like it is no big deal, you can get past it. As long as you don't harbor feelings of either hurt or anger and can continue on in life then you won't have any issues. Just have to accept that at one point you are going to be vulnerable. but every thing good in this world should have some risk.

You assume that the friendzone thing isn't going to even work out. Ye of little faith.

[Rylan]

What do you mean ulf?

[Froggy]

Just thought I'd chime in here with this... There is more than a semantic difference in being "friend-zoned", and being attracted to a friend.

[ulf]

What do you mean ulf?

You talk about handling rejection as if that's guaranteed.

[MRandall25]

you will be no worse off than you were before.

Disagree.

yeah i don't know. crap could get weird if the "friend" had no idea the guy felt that way.

Bingo.

no. why exactly are you friends with her? if you think shes going to want to still do things and spend time together when she has a guy youve got another thing coming.

Except, yet again, you're wrong.

In the case I'm referring to, I met the girl at the beginning of April and we hit it off. She got dumped Memorial Day weekend. We hung out once or twice before I made a subtle move, and she was all "No no not yet." So I waited and hung out a little more, even after she started dating a different guy. Perhaps I was naive, but we were pretty good friends, and we still hung out every now and then.

So she did spend time with me. Then I went to college. Different story there.

[Willie Kool]

I doubt many of you remember my story fro Thread of Love 1.0, but I now have another dilemma dealing with the same guy.

Basically, we decided to stay good friends instead of entering into a relationship. He decided upon returning to school to get back with the ex that cheated on him.

Here is the problem - the girl cheated on him again this past weekend at a party I was at. She told me the following day that if I ever told him that she would make my life a living hell and ruin my friendship with him. I am the only one of our extended friend group that was there. Its a bad situation because our relationship is already strained since he got back with her and I don't want him to think I made this up because that is how she would twist it. How would you more mature folk suggest I go about this?

I'd tell him. IMO, she is most likely going to try to ruin your friendship with him now, anyway. It would really help your credibility if you know the guy's name, so it's not just 'some guy at this party'.

[Rylan]

What do you mean ulf?

You talk about handling rejection as if that's guaranteed.

Not my intention. I was talking only about worst case scenario. Didn't feel like I had to express that there is the possibility of reciprocated feelings.