Worst Jokes Ever Thread

[columbia]

I have a really terrible sense of humor, but sometimes it leans towards clever. Mostly towards stoopid, however, as you'll see below.

What is the name of the orbiting Indian restaurant, that doesn't accept credit cards?

Spoiler:

The Kashmir

[Sam's Drunk Dog]

Anything a politician ever says.

[DocEmrick]

Anything ***'s says.

Spoiler:

jk

Spoiler:

[Physical_Graffiti]

What's the name of the new dairy store in Israel?

Spoiler:

Cheeses of Nazareth

[columbia]

What's the name of the new dairy store in Israel?

Spoiler:

Cheeses of Nazareth

Nice.

[pittsports87]

Is this the racist joke thread or the worst joke thread?

[Tico Rick]

I have a really terrible sense of humor, but sometimes it leans towards clever. Mostly towards stoopid, however...

There's such a fine line between stupid and clever.

[Three Stars]

Anything ***'s says.

Spoiler:

jk

Spoiler:

:pop:

Spoiler:

In all honesty, I was going to reply to this thread with this link.

[jprolley]

What's round, hard, and has a head on it?

Spoiler:

A coin, you pervert.

[Geezer]

Bear with me , this is a joke from 1962 or so so consider the naive context. A guy is driving with his early 60's naive 60's girlfriend when his glove compartment pops open. What are those asks miss virginity( I know; hard to believe the early 60's)? Those are things I put over cigarettes when it's raining so they don't go out says the All American boy. Later miss virginity goes to a drugstore to buy her boyfriend a birthday gift (far-fretched I know). She describes what she wants and the clerk asks what size she wants and she says"big enough to fit a camel'. GET IT? This was a common type early 60s joke believe it or not.

One of the most common early 60-s - late 50's humororus sayings regareded the Lucky Strike cigarettes saying LMST which was Lucky Strlke means fine tobacco. This was changed to " Let's scr-w my finger's tired by the humorists of the era.

[Physical_Graffiti]

Bear with me , this is a joke from 1962 or so so consider the naive context. A guy is driving with his early 60's naive 60's girlfriend when his glove compartment pops open. What are those asks miss virginity( I know; hard to believe the early 60's)? Those are things I put over cigarettes when it's raining so they don't go out says the All American boy. Later miss virginity goes to a drugstore to buy her boyfriend a birthday gift (far-fretched I know). She describes what she wants and the clerk asks what size she wants and she says"big enough to fit a camel'. GET IT? This was a common type early 60s joke believe it or not.

Took me a while, but I like it

[viva la ben]

Whats cheese called that's not yours

Spoiler:

nacho cheese

Spoiler:

:face:

[Physical_Graffiti]

^My "go to" joke

[Kaizer]

whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy?

Spoiler:

money

[columbia]

Geezer: you're even older than I thought. ;)

[SolidSnake]

A guy walks into a room is and is like. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[jprolley]

Trevor Gillies has actual hockey skills.

[Juice]

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler:

A stick.

Spoiler:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Juice]

What did the fly say when he walked into the bar?

Spoiler:

Hey! Where's the stool?

[Geezer]

Second very common joke same era. What reminded of this joke is that I heard 2 women at work repeating this joke in the 80's which was twenty five years old then or so.
A shy guy goes to a dance for the first time. He lost his leg to a farming accident; his family being poor his dad carved a peg leg from an old limb. A poor girl had who had an eye which was replaced by a cheap wooden replacement.At the dance she was standing alone having been never been asked to dance during her life. Mr wooden leg finally musters the courage to ask a female to ask for the first time. He says" Would you like to dance? The poor lonely girl who has been ignored her entire life says "Oh, Would I!"
The equally hardened dance requester heard her response as an rejected responsive "wood eye". ( I know). He poinited o her fake wooden leg and angrilily shouted "peg leg! peg leg!".

[Geezer]

Geezer: you're even older than I thought.

I'm even olderthan I thoughtI. But I'm greatful to be here.

[jprolley]

What did the five fingers say to the face?

Spoiler:

SLAP!

Spoiler:

That was colllllllld blooded

[Geezer]

A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says " Why the long face"?

[Pipes Hochuli]

I had to take my dog to the vet today, the one on Frankstown Rd. in Penn Hills. I get there, and like any trip to the vet, my dog was goin' nuts and sniffing around. So I sign the sheet to check-in, and sit down. Some lady comes in shortly after, freaking out about her cat. This makes all of the other animals in the waiting room nervous/agitated/excited. The vet simply tells her to sit down and he'll get to her cat, but the lady is histerical. Everyone in the room agrees with the doc to let him examine the cat, to get the lady out of everyone's hair for the time being. He takes the cat back, and shortly after he tells the woman that he couldn't find anything wrong with the cat, and that her cat was fine--I forget the name of her cat, it was something French. Anyways, the lady is still freaking out, her face turns really red and sweat is furrowing on her brow. This lady is convinced that there's something wrong with her cat. So the doc says he'll do one last test, if the lady agrees to leave after it's comeplete. She does, and sits back down adjacent to the magazine rack. He calls my dog over, my dog sniffs the cat, and shakes his head at the doc, he writes on his chart. Then he brings over another smallish sized cat carrier, holds over to the cat, and the cat in the carrier meows. Doc writes something down. Then he turns to the woman and says, "Okay, that will be $75.00." "WHAAAAT?!?!?!11?1," she replies. The doctor turns to her and says her cat is healthy, but the lab report was 45 bucks and the cat scan was 30.

[Juice]

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Spoiler:

Jalapeno business