A beginning is a very delicate time. Know then, that is is the year 2012. The known universe is ruled by the Padishah Emperor Admin the Fourth, my father. In this time, the most precious substance in the universe is the spice post count. The post count extends life. The post count expands consciousness. A product of the post count, the yellow penguin local beneath the username, stains the lips of the user but allows them to be human computers, as thinking machines have been outlawed. The post count is vital to belittling new posters. The administrator, who the post count has mutated over 4000 years, uses the blue username, which gives him the ability to fold threads. That is, move the thread to any part of the moderation forum without moving. Because the Administrator controls all thread creation, he is the highest power in the Universe. The post count also plays a very secret role in the clique sisterhood, of which I am a part. The clique has been interfering with the marriages, and the children thereof, of the great Houses of the Universe, cleverly intermixing one bloodline with another to form the Kwisatz Haderach, a super being. They plan to control this super being and use his powers for their own selfish purposes. The breeding plan has been carried out in a strict manner for 90 generations. The goal of the super being is in sight. But now, so close to the prize, a clique woman, shafnutz, the bound concubine of Duke Slappybrown Artriedes, who has been ordered to bear only daughters, has given birth to a son. Oh, yes. I forgot to tell you. The post count exists on only one forum in the entire universe. A desolate, dry planet with vast deserts. Hidden away within the rocks of these deserts are a people known as the newbs, who have long held a prophecy that a man would come, a messiah, who would lead them to true freedom. The planet is letsgopens.com, also known as El Gippie.