Worst Jokes Ever Thread

[Mango Salsa]

Wanna hear my tribute to Elvis?

Spoiler:

Thanks Elvis!

Wanna hear my impression of Elton John?

Spoiler:

He's gay. At least that's the impression I get

[no name]

Superman calls all his superfriends to see if anyone wants to go out on the town but no one accepts his offer. So he decides to fly around town to see if he can find any fun. While he is flying he sees wonder woman lying naked, spread eagle on top of a building. She is looking real good, so he flys down as fast as light makes love to her in a split second and flys away. While he flys away he says " wow that felt good, she won't ever know what happened."

Wonder woman says: what was that???
The Invisiible Man replys: i don't know but my bottom is killing me!!!!!

[Gabe]

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

Spoiler:

He was eating pizza before it was cool.

[Physical_Graffiti]

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

Spoiler:

He was eating pizza before it was cool.

[newarenanow]

Why shouldn't you tell a joke while iceskating?

Spoiler:

Because the ice might crack up

[Physical_Graffiti]

What do you call a black guy flying a plane?

Spoiler:

A pilot you racist

[JS©]

Why did the fish fall off it's bike?

Spoiler:

Because it's a fish.

[JS©]

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?

Spoiler:

He uses the finest ingredients.

[LeopardLetang]

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?

Spoiler:

He uses the finest ingredients.

worst joke ever or best joke ever?

[TheGhostofGoulet]

Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the drowning hippie?

Spoiler:

He was too far out man.

[columbia]

I feel like I should apologize for stating this thread.

[JS©]

I feel like I should apologize for stating this thread.

That sounds like Gilbert Gottfried. He mostly uses his twitter account for jokes like this, and then apologizes for every joke.

Examples:
What do you call a group of condoms playing musical instruments? A rubber band. I apologize to lubricated, ribbed and reservoir tip.
https://twitter.com/RealGilbert/status/ ... 3391020033

What sings and lives in your nose? Frank Snotra. I apologize to any snot I may have offended.
https://twitter.com/RealGilbert/status/ ... 7706289152

Why did the car go to the bathroom? He had gas. I'm deeply sorry to flatulent cars.
https://twitter.com/RealGilbert/status/ ... 8385940480

Why did the alphabet take a laxative? For a vowel movement. I deeply apologize to A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y.
https://twitter.com/RealGilbert/status/ ... 1091820544

Muhammad Ali & Joe Frazier go to a Dry Cleaner. Owner says, "Can I help you?" They say, "How much to wash an old pair of boxers?"
https://twitter.com/RealGilbert/status/ ... 3322478592

Who hosts "Deal or No Deal" in Africa? Howie Mandela. I'm deeply sorry to all Africans and @howiemandel .
https://twitter.com/RealGilbert/status/ ... 4841198592

[ExPatriatePen]

Considering Gottfreid lost the AFLAC account over an insensitive series of jokes after the Japanese earthquake Tsunami, I think his apologies are sort of an inside joke themselves.

[Eismann]

Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the drowning hippie?

Spoiler:

He was too far out man.

Like.

[JS©]

Considering Gottfreid lost the AFLAC account over an insensitive series of jokes after the Japanese earthquake Tsunami, I think his apologies are sort of an inside joke themselves.

Without a doubt.

I think the jokes become funnier if you read them along with the apology in Gilbert's voice.

[ExPatriatePen]

Considering Gottfreid lost the AFLAC account over an insensitive series of jokes after the Japanese earthquake Tsunami, I think his apologies are sort of an inside joke themselves.

Without a doubt.

I think the jokes become funnier if you read them along with the apology in Gilbert's voice.

Especially with a heavy dose of sarcasm, which no doubt, would be exactly as GG would deliver them live!

I found GG much more entertaining after spending time in Williamsburg and other 'ethnic' parts of Brooklyn/Queens.

And before anyone accuses me of xenophobia, I find Don Irrera funnier for the same reasons.

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=52355&p=2215841#p2215841

[shafnutz05]

Gilbert Gottfried is hilarious. He was on the local radio show here a couple of times in the last few months. He has a couple Youtube videos where he reads some of the "steamier" parts of 50 shades of grey. Comedy gold.

[JS©]

some of Gilbert's finest work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYp28tEAVvs

fast forward to 1:03

[mac5155]

A (cute female) coworker just asked me if I get a lot of no arm/no leg jokes. I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. She goes, "you know, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who lays at your door"..."matt!"

(my name is matt)

I laughed to make her feel good.

[TheGhostofGoulet]

A (cute female) coworker just asked me if I get a lot of no arm/no leg jokes. I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. She goes, "you know, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who lays at your door"..."matt!"

(my name is matt)

I laughed to make her feel good.

If you want to take it further, ask her what you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the yard.

Russell.

[PghSkins]

Know what they call a deer with no eyes?

Spoiler:

No eye deer

Know what they call a derr with no eyes and no legs?

Spoiler:

Still no eye deer

/not as good when you read it as when you say it.

[mac5155]

I wanted to take it way further, about a mexican prostitute

[ExPatriatePen]

If girls with big chests work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?

Spoiler:

I-Hop

[Eismann]

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Spoiler:

Give me your money before I carve you up like an ice sculpture. Now, make with the bread, granny!!!!!

Spoiler:

:pop:

[eddysnake]

Q: What's the difference between five hundred dead babies and a new red Ferrari?

Spoiler:

A: I don't have a new red Ferrari in my garage.