Is this the part where I pretend to be upset about MD taking off for the B1G? I don't want the B1G to realize other ACC fans aren't upset at all, lest Delany come to his senses and not take the Terps off our hands. So here goes my attempt at being upset, and if this trolls Draftnik into coming back, then it was worth it.
Maryland, I'll miss your terribly run athletic department, your crippling debt, your horrible facilities, and your fanbase who thinks t-shirts, sideways visors, flip flops, and a chinstrap beard is the height of fashion. I'll miss the worry about getting shot if I venture into the wrong part of MD leaving your stadium. I'll miss your penchant for rioting and burning things on the rare occasion your team does something successfully. Your empty stadiums will look great on the Big Ten Network, and the on-campus shots will make people wonder why there's a documentary on the fire-bombing of Dresden on their TV. Perhaps if you could live within your means and not try to fund sports you couldn't afford, you wouldn't have to whore yourself out to go play Iowa and Minnesota. But then you wouldn't be Maryland if you were smart about things. That's what we love about you. After all, you're listening to Kevin Plank, who had a big hand in driving off the most successful coach you had in years which set off the chain of events that led to Randy Edsall taking over. You should definitely listen to his advice on how to run your program. You've been making terrible decisions since you hired Debbie Yow; why be intelligent at this point? Part of being free to make your own choices is being free to make terrible decisions. Any time you can make a choice that enrages your fanbase and will lead to spending money you don't have...I mean, you do that, right? I completely understand.
And B1G, wow, you sure know how to get back at Notre Dame for jilting you. You're like the girl who gets her revenge on her ex-boyfriend by sleeping with his dorky computer programmer friend who designed his own robotic woman and thinks Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory is a role model. ND leaves you, so you steal MD? Wow, I'm hurt. I'd be even more hurt if you stole Boston College from us. (Seriously, take BC and MD, and we'll waive the buyout fees.) I can only think that Illinois decided they no longer could bear the burden of being the lone pit of despair in the B1G and needed help carrying the load. Well, College Park fits the bill. Congrats, B1G, you have two soul-sucking pits now. You really want the dozens of fans that MD has? I can see the allure of subsidizing their sinking ship. And you're adding Rutgers, which means you're adding this guy to the fanbase: http://www.ottosarmy.com/wp-content/upl ... 3ed8i3.jpg
(linked rather than embedded because I am polite)
Jim Delany is supposedly a shrewd businessman who overcomes a lack of people skills, warmth and humanity by being smart with money. After waiting 20 years for Nebraska to come available because you didn't want to rush into something, you drunkenly married a stripper in Vegas because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Congrats, you're adding the 4th most popular team in the DMV area and at best the 3rd most popular team in the New Jersey/NYC area that barely cares about college sports. It's just bad luck that no one in the ACC hates MD enough to consider them a rival and be upset that they're leaving. Texas fans were sad about losing the A&M rivalry, Pitt and WVU miss the Backyard Brawl. MD's permanent rival is UVA, and they may or may not notice that MD won't be on the schedule next year. But hey, Maryland has both an Applebee's AND a Chili's, and you can't turn down that kind of combination when looking for places to add to your conference.
As for the ACC, it will be tough to get over this crushing blow, but we'll manage by adding either Louisville or UConn. It's a shame WVU is off the table, as they'd replace MD's couch-burning tendencies but the conference will make do. Louisville has money, nice facilities, and their fanbase has the same fashion sense as MD except they prefer linebeards over chinstrap beards so it's not that much of a change. Plus they have access to Maker's Mark. UConn has a better hoops program than MD once they get players who can actually read again, and somehow their football team is a slight upgrade over the disaster that is the SS Randy Edsall. Trust me, we're as shocked as you are, but somehow you're worse than UConn, probably because they aren't playing a LB at QB. I hope you enjoy life getting crushed by everyone else in the B1G, though secretly we all know you loved it when Duke fans chanted "not our rival!" at you. That was your brief bit of relevance. You'll have to stop blaming Coach K for all your problems now though, which may be difficult for you guys. I'm sure you will figure it out.