Thread of Love 3.0

[Sarcastic]

Is this a joke or do we get some juicy details?

[Lt. Dish]

My wife is a whore!

Is her name Ann Arbor?

(Ancient PSU joke)

Am I gonna have to be the one to say "Prove it"?

Guess so. But that's OK. You don't need to prove anything to us.

You guys stole that one from us

Yessss.....

[ExPatriatePen]

My wife is a whore!

can i meet her??

Sure,

I'm filing for divorce next week!

Come on, I shared my dirt...

You can't keep us in suspense like this...

We'll, you can, but it's just not fair ...

[Froggy]

My 2 best friends are a married couple. They just told me they are splitting up. I'm not downplaying how much this sucks for them and their kids.

But it sucks for me, too. It's gonna get all kinds of awkward because the way they split wasn't amicable.

Basically, the last few months, she has been going out doing graffiti and getting high with a bunch of shady dudes. He expressed his displeasure at this, since they have kids, and she is in her 30s and should be over this stuff.

So last month she got arrested, and it was the last straw. He gave her an ultimatum, and she walked.

It sucks to see marriages end, and it sucks worse when they end from people being selfish.

[canaan]

you tell him to get a lawyer, delete facebook, and hit up the gym?

[ExPatriatePen]

My 2 best friends are a married couple. They just told me they are splitting up. I'm not downplaying how much this sucks for them and their kids.

But it sucks for me, too. It's gonna get all kinds of awkward because the way they split wasn't amicable.

Basically, the last few months, she has been going out doing graffiti and getting high with a bunch of shady dudes. He expressed his displeasure at this, since they have kids, and she is in her 30s and should be over this stuff.

So last month she got arrested, and it was the last straw. He gave her an ultimatum, and she walked.

It sucks to see marriages end, and it sucks worse when they end from people being selfish.

I call it emotional vertigo... people tend to all of sudden lose their emotional balance.

I've learned the hard way. The best thing to do, is not argue, don't engage. whether the person realizes it or not, what they want is for the stable person to be "the bad guy" and act from emotion.

Let them go, you're going to get hurt, you're going to be taken advantage of. Everyone loses in a divorce. The physical things can be replaced (Even if it takes years). But the worst thing is to wake up in the middle of the night, years later, with regrets about the way you handled it. (I know first hand).

Believe it or not, sometimes these folks get grounded again. If you really love them, let them go... (It's a trite phrase, but like many trite phrases, it has a lot of truth to it)

Edit: I do agree with canaan... Get an Attorney.. NOW. Let the attorney be the bad guy. (Sorry Shyster)

[Idoit40fans]

It shouldn't be that awkward for you, she sounds like a pretty forgettable person at this point in her life. I wouldn't necessarily take sides, but I know who i'd be making an effort to stay in touch with.

[Froggy]

Yeah, it's pretty apparent on who had the high ground, I know. But the two of them have been kind of a surrogate family for me for years. I don't know how it's gonna be with them split up.

[Sarcastic]

A woman in her 30's and with kids going out to do graffiti and smoke pot. Hehe.

[Sarcastic]

I'm still waiting for Pen48 here.

[ExPatriatePen]

I'm still waiting for Pen48 here.

Me too... and I ain't moving from this keyboard unti lhe reports back...

On a serious note, if you need to be talked down from the ledge Pen48... reach out buddy, been there, done that, ripped the t-shirt to shreads.

[Pen48guins]

Alright,

I suppose I'll start from the beginning of the end.


We got married in October of 2008.
Moved back to Maryland in 2009.

In September of 2010 she was at work (she works at a childrens hospital) and ended up having a bad asthma attack. Ended up intubated at the adult hospital next door and was in the ICU for a day. When they first tubed her my phone was dead so I was using her phone to send texts. I happened to look at the texts she had sent and found some very explicit texts with some guy she apparently worked with. I was torn. I should have left right then and there. Let her ass sit in that bed, knocked out with a machine breathing for her. But, I being a loyal and faithful husband stood by her side. When she came to, I told her I saw the texts. She denied actually doing anything physical with him and even transferred units to be away from him. I have no doubt in my mind, especially now that if she had not gotten caught that things would have progressed.

We moved on it from it. I got hired with a City Fire Dept, she was in nursing school. We didn't get to spend a great amount of quality time together but for the first time we were doing well financially. I thought everything was going pretty well, our goals were being obtained or worked on.

She ended up in the ICU again for asthma this past September. The childrens transport team transported her to the adult er this time. Around the beginning of October she comes home one day and pretty much starts laying right into me. "I love you, but I don't know if I am in love with you" is what she says. She is caviar and I am meat and potatoes.

She asks me to leave the house for a week so she can "clear her mind". For a second I agreed to it, then I took that right back. Who the heck does she think she is telling me to leave my house. I told her if she wants time to think she can leave, she said she has no where to go. I stepped back and pointed right at the door. So, she moves in with an old coworker and her brother about 25 minutes away. We meet up for dinner once or twice and talk. Nothing good or bad.

Then the day before our 4 year anniversary she lays down what I was pretty sure I already knew. She cheated on me. With the medic that transported her none the less. I'm a medic. It is a small world. A lot of the people I work with no this bag of *****. She is also pregnant. She actually has the audacity to suggest that no one needs to know that it is his and we can pretend it is mine because when Mr. Perfect found out she was knocked up he no longer wanted anything to do with her.

We go out to eat one night after, mexican. She says something that I can't quite recall but my comment was about her illegitimate child. She says to me "I made an honest mistake" I kindly broke down what an honest mistake is. leaving the toilet seat up. finishing the last of the leftovers ect....... So she is pissed. At this point I still have some dumb belief that this can work out.

As I said I have been a loyal and faithful husband. I'm not great and certainly have my flaws but I put my family (her and I) first.

Thats the majority of it. I guess you live and learn. There is no ledge I need to be talked down, thankfully. I was pretty depressed for about a month and my co workers could tell. I picked up my first phone number in 5 years recently. Even though that nurse apparently just wants to play games. Not looking forward to this whole dating thing again but it should be fun. Now I'm just waiting till payday Friday so I can file these darn papers.

Any questions? I will gladly answer.

Oh, she had a spontaneous abortion so she is no longer pregnant. I haven't spoken to her since and only plan on telling her that her crap needs to be out in one week once this crap in finalized.

[ExPatriatePen]

Dude,thanks for sharing... sounds really really tough.

I know what it's like. Just know that you're only at the begining of the roller coaster... and it's a long ride.

Realize that you've had a lot of time to figure out what you want, when she gets served the divorce papers, her reality is going to hit her.

She's going to have a short period of time to process her emotions and reach the same state you are emotionally.

In any case, my offer is always there... you know how to PM.

Good luck.

[Pen48guins]

Well the good thing is we were renting, no kids and nothing really to split.

Bad thing is, apparently I need to make some friends.

[Rylan]

Well, Maryland sucks. That year of forced separation is stupid before the divorce can be finalized.

[Pen48guins]

Well, Maryland sucks. That year of forced separation is stupid before the divorce can be finalized.

Don't have to wait since she cheated and won't contest it.

[Lt. Dish]

I'm sorry that has happened to you, Pen48. I wish you well.

[Rylan]

Fair enough. I figured there HAD to be a way out of that silly rule. Thanks for clarifying.

[shmenguin]

...

ish...that's brutal.

i think would have left her after the first texting incident - but i understand that other people have different standards.

[newarenanow]

Sorry to hear Pen48. I don't know how I'd deal with that.

The only experience I had was with a long term girlfriend from high school/college. Dated her for like 3 years. She cheated on me about 2 years in. I was the same way, devasted, and common sense would have said for me to dump her and move on right there. But I didn't. I thought things would get better.

Well, I figured out, maybe not 100% of the time, but once a cheat, always a cheat. She cheated on me like 2 or 3 more times in that last year and when I found that out, it was very easy to move on.

I think you did the right thing, especially after you found out she continued to pursue that guy after you found the initial texts.

[canaan]

eesh, dude. i hope it works out for you. all of my feels.

[count2infinity]

wow... it's stories like that that really make me fear this whole marriage thing. I say to myself, "well, future mrs. c2i and I are different. We fully love each other and plan to be together the rest of our lives." Then I think, holy crap... that's probably what everyone else thinks going into marriage as well. I really don't know what i'd do if i found out she had cheated on me a few years into marriage.

[DudeMan2766]

wow pen48 I am so sorry. I've way way less happen to me and it ripped me to shreds. I dont think theres any way I could have handled that, esp not with the dignity you seemed to have. Best of luck.

[KennyTheKangaroo]

wow... it's stories like that that really make me fear this whole marriage thing. I say to myself, "well, future mrs. c2i and I are different. We fully love each other and plan to be together the rest of our lives." Then I think, holy crap... that's probably what everyone else thinks going into marriage as well. I really don't know what i'd do if i found out she had cheated on me a few years into marriage.

yeah thats one of those things that probably are in the back of most reasonable people's mind. no one goes into a marriage thinking "gee, we are getting married but our commitment is mediocre at best. lets hope my significant other does not cheat."

[Pen48guins]

My whole situation hasn't ruined my perception of marriage. Marriage is a wonderful thing, I just obviously chose the wrong person.

Who knows if I will ever get married again, but if I find the right person, I certainly would.

I had 12 days of vacation after these events that took place. 12 days was a long time to sit and dwell on it. I was a wreck for that week and a half but I think it helped me with moving on quicker. As far as I am concerned, right now I am single.

I just got a text from the soon to be ex-wife saying how I am childish because I haven't answered her texts in a while. ha. She still wants to be friends. As soon as the divorce is finalized I don't ever plan on talking to her again.