haha - did you get any serious answers, or just clown answers? (like mine).
My serious advice on just a couple of topics, is that you need to have a good attitude. I realize at times this may be easier said than done. There will be a bunch of folks in the office who complain about everything and everyone - don't get sucked into that. You're new on the job - you're going to get screwed, the sooner you realize and accept this, the better haha. Suck it up until the next batch of kids arrive, and then you can be the screwer instead of the screwee. Stand up for yourself when needed of course, but pick your battles and don't get sucked into that negative stuff like so many others seem to do.
Also, make sure you communicate well, especially in emails. No "text talk" in emails. Right or wrong, people will judge you if they see a "UR" "imma" "cuz" etc in emails. Many of your emails will be forwarded, and many people respond to emails by cc'ing everyone. Double check every email before you send it, because once you send it, you can't get it back. (I don't think the recall feature ever works).
I think my favorite response in this thread was knowing the difference between the #1 and #2 bathroom.