Starting my Big Boy Job

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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Sam's Drunk Dog on Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:05 am

Yep. Thanksgiving will probably be your first opportunity
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby DocEmrick on Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:40 am

With Obamacare and the state of the economy, expect low pay if you're entering the private sector.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby BigMcK on Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:48 pm

Park in your bosses parking stall. When told to move, comment on how the boss has taste in quality vehicles and that you, too, are going to work extra hard for the company since they reward their 'key' people so well.

If you drive a better car than the boss, park far away and never mention cars in conversation with the boss.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Azkar on Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:56 pm

Pick a fight with the toughest looking guy so no one will think you're an easy target
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby JeffDFD on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:00 pm

Save all of the bar soap...smush it together and shave it into a shiv
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Azkar on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:04 pm

JeffDFD wrote:Save all of the bar soap...smush it together and shave it into a shiv


Is that considered stealing?
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby FreeCandy44 on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:06 pm

Always shoot rubberbands and paperclips at those smaller then you.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Lt. Dish on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:09 pm

Switch the rich, Colombian coffee they have in the breakroom with Folger's Crystals. See if anyone knows the difference.

Image

(x-ref with 1980s thread)
Last edited by Lt. Dish on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Lt. Dish on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:11 pm

Azkar wrote:
JeffDFD wrote:Save all of the bar soap...smush it together and shave it into a shiv


Is that considered stealing?


At fast-food restaurants, yes. At work, it's taking what's rightfully yours in your never-ending fight against The Man.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Lt. Dish on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:17 pm

FreeCandy44 wrote:Always shoot rubberbands and paperclips at those smaller then you.


Better yet, take initiative and build a shooting device. Employers appreciate unsolicited demonstrations of innovativeness and resourcefulness.

Which reminds me: When no one else steps forward and there's no time to lose, you be the one to volunteer to diffuse the bomb. Just stay cool and follow the directions authorities give you over the phone.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Tico Rick on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:21 pm

Based on Lt. Dish's posts in this thread, I'm thinking her job experience is similar to what you would see in a James Bond movie.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby rasbatch on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:39 pm

Begin your office doomsday prep kit immediately for you know not the hour.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Lt. Dish on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:50 pm

Tico Rick wrote:Based on Lt. Dish's posts in this thread, I'm thinking her job experience is similar to what you would see in a James Bond movie.


:pop:

CTU's messing with the pension plan.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Steve on Fri Jan 11, 2013 2:54 pm

You should have already covered this in your job inteview - but just in case you haven’t, make sure to ask your boss if the company ever presses charges against its employees.

(loved that Steven Write joke)

also - for additional job security, hang/pin many news articles in your office or cubicle, about people who go crazy and seek revenge after getting fired.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Steve on Fri Jan 11, 2013 2:59 pm

Also - every office has a few clowns who play practical jokes on each other. Discretely find out who these people are, and pick one and chump them with your own practical joke.

I did this once on my 2nd week on the job - no one ever suspects the new guy, but it only works if there's a history of some other jokers. It started a pretty good war in there haha.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby mac5155 on Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:25 pm

be warned you will be involved in the war as soon as you do though. Also if your joke involves over 4 packs of post-it notes make nice with the secretary and buy her another pack.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby ville5 on Fri Jan 11, 2013 4:22 pm

Make an extra large batch of hashish brownies and place in the break room 1st thing in the morning. Covertly of course. Then sit back and enjoy.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Admin on Fri Jan 11, 2013 5:03 pm

Strong cologne and lots of it.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Lt. Dish on Fri Jan 11, 2013 5:13 pm

ville5 wrote:Make an extra large batch of hashish brownies and place in the break room 1st thing in the morning. Covertly of course. Then sit back and enjoy.


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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Eismann on Fri Jan 11, 2013 5:29 pm

Light yourselve on fire in a conference room, then politely ask "is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby FreeCandy44 on Fri Jan 11, 2013 6:13 pm


Follow this to a T.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Tico Rick on Fri Jan 11, 2013 8:08 pm

^^^ I was going to say, DON'T do an Al Roker at the White House.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby ville5 on Sat Jan 12, 2013 5:04 am

Superglue everything on your boss' desk to his desk.
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Steve on Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:20 pm

haha - did you get any serious answers, or just clown answers? (like mine).

My serious advice on just a couple of topics, is that you need to have a good attitude. I realize at times this may be easier said than done. There will be a bunch of folks in the office who complain about everything and everyone - don't get sucked into that. You're new on the job - you're going to get screwed, the sooner you realize and accept this, the better haha. Suck it up until the next batch of kids arrive, and then you can be the screwer instead of the screwee. Stand up for yourself when needed of course, but pick your battles and don't get sucked into that negative stuff like so many others seem to do.

Also, make sure you communicate well, especially in emails. No "text talk" in emails. Right or wrong, people will judge you if they see a "UR" "imma" "cuz" etc in emails. Many of your emails will be forwarded, and many people respond to emails by cc'ing everyone. Double check every email before you send it, because once you send it, you can't get it back. (I don't think the recall feature ever works).

I think my favorite response in this thread was knowing the difference between the #1 and #2 bathroom. :lol:
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Re: Starting my Big Boy Job

Postby Steve on Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:29 pm

mac5155 wrote:be warned you will be involved in the war as soon as you do though. Also if your joke involves over 4 packs of post-it notes make nice with the secretary and buy her another pack.


No one knew it was me. I got dragged into other wars, but not that one. A few years later, my then ex-boss joined my hockey team, he was the chumpee in this prank. I told him about it and he laughed, he thought all along it was another co-worker clown.

And in most cases, it's usually a good idea to make nice with the secretary. :)
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