Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

[westside]

"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""

[topshelf66]

Melnyk believes that Alexi Yashin invented a car that runs on water and that the oil companies hired an agent to erase the plans from his memory. The agent also erased most of his hockey playing skills. Thies agent's name....... Matt Cooke.

[Dan H]

Melnyk bribed the referees to duct-tape Alex Ovechkin's skates together for the last 5 games in the Caps-Rags series.

(double conspiracy nut zing?)

[Dr Rosenrosen]

Cooke poisoned the forensic scientist.

[booboo]

I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop

Hard to change fact: There is simply much more of Matt Cooke than there is Melnyk.

[SolidSnake]

Melnyk is suspose to be on the next episode of Ancient Aliens

[BigMcK]

Melnyk believes Bettman sways the officials to make calls in favor of the Penguins and one day he will offer proof.

[sil]

Melnyk has proof that Matt Cooke faked the moon landing....and that he shot JR...and that he rigged the 1919 World Series.

[columbia]

Matte Cooke is Erik Karlsson's father.

[CERV96]

"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""

Head move now!

[It'sagreatdayforhockey!]

You guys are doing conspiracy theories wrong.

The Matt Cooke incident was a False Flag attack. Melnyk is heavily invested in hockey subsocks and by forcing the league to make them mandatory would make him a fortune. This would allow for him to become an Illuminati, eventually take over the NHL and win a championship. He knows this is the only way to hoist the cup because otherwise his team isn't good enough.

[Idoit40fans]

I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop

That was what I was assuming, then I get accused of being Matt Cooke when I say something about it.

[sil]

I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop

That was what I was assuming, then I get accused of being Matt Cooke when I say something about it.

Actually the origin of that was the theory that Matt Cooke took your joy away.

[sil]

Matt Cooke doesn't care about black people.

[BigMcK]

I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop

More peas and less carrots, myself.


Melnyk believes that Malkin and he are somehow related because they both have last names with a M, L, K, and N in them. He is sending money to a research firm he found listed in UFO Today to investigate.

[topshelf66]

Melnyk is going to West Memphis to look for his Joy.

[Pitts]

You know the show Dexter? It is based on the life and times of Matt Cooke.

[Pitts]

I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop

But, it is ALL about Matt Cooke.

[Lt. Dish]

Eugene Melnyk engineered the Leafs collapse in order to put his team front and center in every Canadian's consciousness.

Eugene Melnyk controls Paul Steigerwald's brain and PxP from the top of the Seattle Space Needle.

Eugene Melnyk is a life-long Flyers fan.

Eugene Melnyk produces the Annual NHL Awards broadcasts.

Eugene Melnyk awarded the World Cup to Qatar (Qatar!).

[Lt. Dish]

"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""

"How can anyone hate the Colonel Matt Cooke?"

[Lt. Dish]

"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""

Head move now!

"Kiss yer mother before I kick yer teeth in!"

[Gaucho]

.

Eugene Melnyk awarded the World Cup to Qatar (Qatar!).

[BigMcK]

Melnyk still can't believe his adopted son is John Tortorella. He giggles about it at family reunions while he and John toast their hatred toward "one of the most arrogant organizations in the league."

[ru10tu10]

Melnyk and Milbury are Skull and Bones members

[She'sTheFastest]

Matt Cooke is really spelled Matt Cook but he was so unabashedly greedy that he kept the extra vowel at the end.