Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby westside on Tue May 14, 2013 12:50 pm

"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby topshelf66 on Tue May 14, 2013 1:16 pm

Melnyk believes that Alexi Yashin invented a car that runs on water and that the oil companies hired an agent to erase the plans from his memory. The agent also erased most of his hockey playing skills. Thies agent's name....... Matt Cooke.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Dan H on Tue May 14, 2013 1:17 pm

Melnyk bribed the referees to duct-tape Alex Ovechkin's skates together for the last 5 games in the Caps-Rags series.

(double conspiracy nut zing?)
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Dr Rosenrosen on Tue May 14, 2013 1:29 pm

Cooke poisoned the forensic scientist.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby booboo on Tue May 14, 2013 1:33 pm

Gaucho wrote:I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop


Hard to change fact: There is simply much more of Matt Cooke than there is Melnyk.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby SolidSnake on Tue May 14, 2013 1:41 pm

Melnyk is suspose to be on the next episode of Ancient Aliens
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby BigMcK on Tue May 14, 2013 1:53 pm

Melnyk believes Bettman sways the officials to make calls in favor of the Penguins and one day he will offer proof.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby sil on Tue May 14, 2013 2:00 pm

Melnyk has proof that Matt Cooke faked the moon landing....and that he shot JR...and that he rigged the 1919 World Series.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby columbia on Tue May 14, 2013 2:07 pm

Matte Cooke is Erik Karlsson's father.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby CERV96 on Tue May 14, 2013 2:11 pm

westside wrote:"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""

Head move now!
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby It'sagreatdayforhockey! on Tue May 14, 2013 2:12 pm

You guys are doing conspiracy theories wrong.

The Matt Cooke incident was a False Flag attack. Melnyk is heavily invested in hockey subsocks and by forcing the league to make them mandatory would make him a fortune. This would allow for him to become an Illuminati, eventually take over the NHL and win a championship. He knows this is the only way to hoist the cup because otherwise his team isn't good enough.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Idoit40fans on Tue May 14, 2013 2:12 pm

Gaucho wrote:I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop


That was what I was assuming, then I get accused of being Matt Cooke when I say something about it. :scared:
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby sil on Tue May 14, 2013 2:23 pm

Idoit40fans wrote:
Gaucho wrote:I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop


That was what I was assuming, then I get accused of being Matt Cooke when I say something about it. :scared:


Actually the origin of that was the theory that Matt Cooke took your joy away.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby sil on Tue May 14, 2013 2:24 pm

Kanye West wrote:Matt Cooke doesn't care about black people.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby BigMcK on Tue May 14, 2013 2:27 pm

Gaucho wrote:I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop


More peas and less carrots, myself.


Melnyk believes that Malkin and he are somehow related because they both have last names with a M, L, K, and N in them. He is sending money to a research firm he found listed in UFO Today to investigate.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby topshelf66 on Tue May 14, 2013 2:33 pm

Melnyk is going to West Memphis to look for his Joy.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Pitts on Tue May 14, 2013 3:10 pm

You know the show Dexter? It is based on the life and times of Matt Cooke.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Pitts on Tue May 14, 2013 3:14 pm

Gaucho wrote:I was hoping for less Cooke and more Melnyk. pop

But, it is ALL about Matt Cooke.
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Lt. Dish on Tue May 14, 2013 3:20 pm

Eugene Melnyk engineered the Leafs collapse in order to put his team front and center in every Canadian's consciousness.

Eugene Melnyk controls Paul Steigerwald's brain and PxP from the top of the Seattle Space Needle.

Eugene Melnyk is a life-long Flyers fan.

Eugene Melnyk produces the Annual NHL Awards broadcasts.

Eugene Melnyk awarded the World Cup to Qatar (Qatar!).
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Lt. Dish on Tue May 14, 2013 3:21 pm

westside wrote:"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""


"How can anyone hate the Colonel Matt Cooke?"
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Lt. Dish on Tue May 14, 2013 3:22 pm

CERV96 wrote:
westside wrote:"Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows."

"So who's in this Pentavirate?"

"The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Matt Cooke before he went tits up. Oh, I hated Matt Cooke with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna cut your achilles! Ohhhhh!""

Head move now!


"Kiss yer mother before I kick yer teeth in!"
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby Gaucho on Tue May 14, 2013 3:28 pm

Lt. Dish wrote:.

Eugene Melnyk awarded the World Cup to Qatar (Qatar!).


:fist:
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby BigMcK on Tue May 14, 2013 3:43 pm

Melnyk still can't believe his adopted son is John Tortorella. He giggles about it at family reunions while he and John toast their hatred toward "one of the most arrogant organizations in the league."
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby ru10tu10 on Tue May 14, 2013 3:56 pm

Melnyk and Milbury are Skull and Bones members
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Re: Melnyk Conspiracy Theories

Postby She'sTheFastest on Tue May 14, 2013 5:26 pm

Matt Cooke is really spelled Matt Cook but he was so unabashedly greedy that he kept the extra vowel at the end.
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